Chapter 1: Midnights
Chapter Text
chapter one - midnights
I looked in the mirror. The light around me was dim and faintly resembled a warm sunset of an orangey yellow colour. The white porcelain of the sink in which my hands grasped onto for dear life itself felt cold and slightly damp to the touch. I could feel the icyness of the tiles on my feet of the bathroom floor, which consisted of plain, large, white tiles. Each tile next to eachother in a consistent order, one by one, like a snow covered chess board. Well, that's certainly how cold it felt anyway. Its the same sad old beige bathroom. The only light, the warm orange light from the mirror light, was weak, but just enough to cast a faint shadow behind me onto the floor. The frosted bathroom window and the everlasting night sky that loomed beyond the glass. It was cold, and to say that was an understatement. My hands and feet felt like blocks of ice, but I couldn't move, no matter how much I wanted to the gaze kept me still. The reflection I had caught in my mirror shone back at me, it's mirror image almost an impeccable replica of the real world before me, yet mirrored to the other side.. but.. this wasn't right. The y/c eyes, wide open, staring back at me, felt so familiar. I saw them every morning and every night. Each rise and fall of the sun when I came to look in the mirror, I saw the same 'thing' looking back at me. The same cold gaze. The same y/c coloured skin, so pale enough from the frosted it might as well be a dead body. The same odd number of freckles, always in the same spot and never moving. Almost identical. Almost.
My hands grip the icy porcelain again, the cold is the only feeling in my veins until all at once it all came crashing in like the tide. Warmth. Hot tears ran down my round cheeks, cascading down my jaw and prompting soft splash sounds as they fell into the sink, slowly spilling down the drain, inevitably into wherever the pipes lead. Such sorrow. Spilling despair from my sockets as I tighten my grip once more, the fear of cracking the sink if I could possibly ever grip much tighter. Alas, I could never do that. Amounting to much was never in my cards, and with what I had left, I had to play carefully. To avoid any more possible hurt from such a cruel and icy world.
And ever so slowly, as each tear spilt down my face into the dark tunnel of the drain, I notice how not once did I blink. Not once did I move. Frozen, in every sense. Eyes locked with the identical creature in front of me. And as each soft tear hit the pale porcelain a gentle patter of rain could be heard from beyond the glass, beyond the barrier that was the window.
My pupils blown wide, all I could focus on is the 'creature' before me. The creature inside the glass.
Terror. Awakening suddenly in cold sweat and terror, my breath escalating instantly and grasping hold of my lungs as if they were nothing but a stress ball. The intense urge to cry my eyes out, to ball up and cocoon myself in the blankets, to hide myself away from the world in a bubble of my own safety. Alas, I cannot. I'm stuck in a state of panic and fright. Unsubconsciously my fingers entangle themselves into what is my hair, y/l y/h/c locks which cascade down my shoulders.
What is this? A ritual? A routine?
Every morning for the last two weeks I have awoken in cold sweat at exactly 6am from the exact same dream. The same images which reoccur every single night and plague my mind, such lucid images that I wish I could burn out of my eye sockets and such sounds I could only ever beg to be bleached out of my ears. I tug on my hair, searching for a sense of comfort and relief from the madness that consumes me whole. It burns my scalp, but I love the distraction it gifts me from my troubles.
Slowly but surely my breathing evens and I can untangle my fingers out of my hair, which is easier said than done. The cold sweat that awoke me now chills my bones and quickly sends shivers down my spine.
And ever so slowly, I halt. My breathing now even and steady, my hands no longer clasped in my hair, bed sheets or blankets and my shaking slowly stopping. I'm finally awake. Awake. I can repeat it as many times in my head as I want, but it never sounds right. Awake. Eyes open glaring at the ceiling of my bedroom as I think. Awake. Being able to realise where I was and remind myself of the last two weeks of misery. How long will this tyranny continue? It plagues me, and I can only wonder why it gets worse ever single night. Every night I get closer to some sort of secret, every night I see something I didn't see the night before.. last night I saw myself crying. A sense of dejavu from the thought. It felt so familiar, which to think about made me feel pathetic and in a sense I knew I was and there was no denying it. Oh well, I guess I tried..
Eventually I can finally bring myself to sit up on the edge of my bed, blanket wrapped around myself like a shield. As if it were a protective barrier from the shadows around my room, that I was safe and nobody could see me. No shadowy figures crawling out of my wardrobe. No claws scratching at the windows. No arms grabbing at me from under my bed. No things slime-ly slipping along the ugly oak floorboards.
I get up and shuffle to my kitchen to get a glass of water, feeling a burning itch and throb from my throat, sore and dry, dehydrated. As I shuffle through the long dark halls I slowly make my way towards the kitchen. The long twisting hall walls consisted of the same beige walls and boring photos I had grew up with my entire life. I never realised how truly terrifying these halls were until now, now fully submerged in darkness and shadows of the twilight. I can tell I made it to the kitchen when I can feel the floors change beneath my feet from the old scratchy oak floorboards to the icy porcelain tiles. It gives an eery sense of deja vu, almost reminding me of those terrible dreams. My mind was like a flashback on an old vhs, it was a bit muddled and often twisted.
I brush my hand along the kitchen counter, using it as a guide for my journey so as not to trip or fall. My hand rises and falls with every bump on the counter, most being the same old sad magazines, cutlery and other random things from around the messy kitchen. I don't look into what they are. I'm too paranoid for that.
I arrive at the sink. That same traumatising sense of deja vu looms over me like a raincloud. And as I slowly and ever so carefully turn on the tap, as to chill the water, it makes a soft pattering sound. The same pattering sound. Unforgettable and uniquely specific, Identical.
The twilight pours in from the small kitchen window, although I know nothings out there except fields and fields and fields of nothing but blank, empty grass and whistling wind. But, like every night, it feels like the twilight is watching me. That same sense of paranoia. And such a strange concept at that. How can a void of nothing watch? The night? The dark? Perhaps I'm being childish. Like a small child who's afraid of the dark, but no, I got over that fear years ago. Or, at least that's what I told myself to sleep at night.
The twilight is deep and never ending. It twists, it turns, it bends but never breaks. It streams across the sky and casts a long looming shadow on every surface of the world. It stops for no man and consumes everything whole in midnight. The same deep darkness of violent violet. It conceals the sky and covers the land in a veil of soot. The same ashy colour that would be left at the end of a hearty fire. The darkness bleeds into the morning light like watercolours. Slowly fading from that pointless purple into a predominantly pink sky, then an ominous orange, a yearning yellow and finally a bright blue. If it wasn't for the old clock on the kitchen wall I would assume it had been a couple of minutes. But no. I had been stood there for an entire hour, too mesmerised by the profoundness of the creepy yet gorgeous dissolving of the twilight. My favourite thing to do. To watch it burn and fade in the longing ruse of the sunlight. Morning. My favourite time.
Morning ends all of my strife. It rises once every twelve hours and sadly sets again to rest. It brings the world life and I like to think it brings me joy. It paints the sky a beautiful blue and let's the cotton-y clouds pass through, floating almost effortlessly.
And my favourite part is that the morning nevers watches me. The sunlight casts a light across the veil of piercing darkness, it reveals the truth and the everlasting secrets of the earth. Sunlight and light create a sense of safety. They guardian the world and all its inhabitants. Which makes me feel small and unimportant, which makes me feel good about myself. 8 billion people. There has to be someone out there like me. Someone who understands.
I have always been scared of the night.. scared of the twilight.
Chapter 2: Comets
Chapter Text
Chapter 2 - Comets
"Y/n..?"
I instantly recognise the scratchy, tired voice which is calling to me from across the kitchen. I slowly turn, trying not to slip on the icy tile floors in my socks, and I'm immediately met with the infamous dark almond shaped amber eyes, the long, wild, chocolate honey coloured curly hair and the slept in makeup. Pale skin, the same colour as milk, although unlike milk it wasn't cold to the touch. Perhaps because it isn't kept in a fridge, although with the country climate you'd assume you'd freeze without a sweater. The figures hand glides along the counter as she walks over, guiding herself over towards the light switch and promptly turning it on. The soft, yet sharp, click sound resonates in my mind and echoes slightly in the hollow room. The bulb lights up, flickering slightly at first, which is peculiar, but I pay it no heed as I am completely enticed to only watch the Amber eyes across from me. Its my best friend. How could I be so foolish as to forget, then again, my memory has never been the sharpest, I'm always loosing things and misplacing important or valuable objects.
My best friend. She practically lives with my family, and to be brutally honest, my mother probably considers her a second daughter. I keep an extra mattress stashed under my bed, and i pull it out whenever she stays for the night, and she has two of my drawers to keep her stuff in. She mostly keeps simple things like socks, stashed ciggarettes or makeup in there. She stays over for sleep overs almost every night, or whenever she can. Why? Because she's my best friend, and my only friend. But I dislike mentioning it, just thinking of it makes me feel sour and pathetic. But I wouldn't trade my time with her for the world. My throat is a bit dry, but a small cough clears it enough to mutter.
"Heidi.. what are you doing up?"
Heidi, the girl I've known for 4 years, and my best friend, clears her throat again and upon doing so she removes the lump and mumbles. "Y/n.. it's 8:30.. the bus is gonna be here in 15.. what are you doing?"
I forgot. Again. Oh god.. how am I so forgetful. My mind is like a monkey with cymbals doing backflips.. or perhaps it's powered by a chubby hamster in a wheel.. either way, the monkey ran out of batteries and the hamster clearly fell asleep.
And now I'm dashing back into my room and frantically pulling apart my closet to grab my uniform. Draping the god awful blue shirt around my torso and buttoning up all the buttons. Although my fingers slip on them back and forth because of how slippery their shiny surface is. I'm hopping as I pull on my skirt and drag up my tights. Sprinting over as I rifle through my drawer and search for my tie. Although when I find it it's as long and limp as a flattened snake. You'd think that four years in secondary school would have taught me the life skill that is tying a tie, but alas not. I quickly wrap it around my neck and sloppily tie it, it looks nothing even remotely close to resembling a tie, but I have no choice. I'm on a tight time schedule. I slide my navy jumper over my head and try not to fall or trip as I slide on my shoes, with untied laces, and start picking all my books up off the floor. In an immense rush. Stuffing them in my bag and grabbing some pens off my dresser as I hear the bus pull up outside, the sliding door open and Heidi walking up to the driveway gate. I rush outside. I look like such a mess in comparison to Heidi. She has such long hair, kept in a bun, and her brindle colour glasses compliment her complection. I on the other hand.. My hair is wild/smooth, Wild like the savanna/smooth as silk, as if the long grass of those wild plains was my long unkept hair. My laces were untied, as was my tie, and I had completely forgotten my breakfast and my lunch. What an idiot.
The pale yellow school bus pulls up along the edge of the gravelly driveway by the country road, and as I step on I immediately search for Heidi. I always sit next to Heidi on the bus, always. It's become part of my routine, step on the bus, regret stepping on the bus, search for Heidi, trek carefully to the back of the bus, sit next to Heidi and shove my bag in the tight space on the floor between the seats, stare put the window behind Heidi and watch the passing endless fields until we reach the school, and finally let the never ending queue of other people get off the bus before me before finally arriving.
Well, apparently not today. For the first time she's sat next to somebody else. A girl with long black hair and greenish gray eyes the colour of leaves. They remind me of doc leaves, the leaves which are a deep subtle sage green. Although unlike doc leaves, which are meant to stop stinging from nettles. This girl in particular stings, worse than a nettle even.
Her name is Wendy, and she is the meanest girl in the year. She has slightly tanned skin, dark sage eyes, long dark black hair the same colour of the night sky and a mole beside her lips. Perhaps it's one of the things that makes her even scarier to me, how her hair reminds me of the night sky? Perhaps. Who knows. Wendy likes to smoke, she sells ciggarettes in the girls bathrooms, it's how she knows Heidi. She's her dealer. Wendy loves drama, she flirts with other girls boyfriends, she pretends to be helpless and innocent, and she brags about her family being famous constantly. Apparently her mother invented tandem bicycles.. nobody believes her though, they all smile and nod, too scared to speak up and face Wendy's wrath.
Whatever the case, she has ruined my sacred ritual on the bus. I can hear her nasally voice as she talks to Heidi. God, I hated her voice. It made my ears bleed, like nails on a chalk board, it was so high and squeaky, Like a dog toy. As if. I could only ever imagine Wendy getting mauled by ferocious wild dogs, although the thought was dark, it was what we all prayed for. At this point it didn't even have to be dogs, we would take any animal willing enough. Lions, Crocodiles, bears, racoons, seagulls, porcupines, cats, ferrets, mice, rats, ants.. any animal that wouldn't implode from getting within 2 metres of Wendy. We all felt terrible for the little white Maltese she got last year for her birthday, she promptly named the dog buttons and it never left her side. Well, unless she was at school.
The poor dog was pure white in colour and had the curliest fur I had ever seen. Wendy carried it absolutely everywhere in her purse, or on a lead with little ribbons on it. We had heard stories of how the poor dog is always trying to run away.. or I would phrase it as escape. How it would squeeze its body through a tiny crack in a window and start running for the hills. And how devastated Wendy would be, and how she sent her boyfriend out looking for it every time it went missing. He would eventually find it and bring it back to her, but everyone sympathised with the poor dog. I know I'd try escape Wendy too.
As I walk down the little runway of the bus, which is a sticky plastic-y strip of metal, I look for a free seat. I pass bebe, a girl with the wildest curly blonde hair and the chunkiest gold hoop earrings, she's chewing gum and glaring at me. I definitely can't sit next to her, she looks like she wants to skin me alive, oh god. I keep walking. This time it's craig tucker, i know him, a tanned boy with dark raven hair and a blue chullo hat who's fast asleep leaning against the glass. He looks nice, but when I check the seat next to him all his bags are on it and I don't want to wake him up. He looks too peaceful. I keep walking, the sticky feeling of the floor pisses me off. It feels like every time I lift a foot it takes twice the energy to do so. As if the gravity was lower, like I was walking on Mars perhaps. That's what it felt like, it felt like I was trying to find someone human to sit next to, someone who wasn't alien and scary. Eventually I run out of options. I'm left with one last option. I have to sit with..
Chapter 3: Star dust
Chapter Text
Chapter 3 - stardust
Stan Marsh. Wendy's on and off again boyfriend. Unlike Wendy, Stan is a gentle boy. He used to be football captain, and a total jock. He was the most popular guy in school for years.. until his father forced him family to live on the old farmhouse out on the outskirts of the town.. out in the country. His father started a weed farm, giving up his job as a meteorologist to follow some stupid dream.. a fever dream. It sent Stan spiralling for months, and changed a part of him he would never get back. He gave up sports, spent all his time in his room, burnt out, just lying in bed all day listening to music, numb. Burnt out from the world and immobilised stuck to the sheets of his bed. Although, since then, he's learned to cope. Slightly. He bleaches his hair now, and has dark ingrown roots, letting his hair grow out slightly. It contrasts his light tanned skin nicely. He has the deepest spruce eyes, like melting chocolate. He has a small mole on his left cheek, and often sores or scratches on his fingers from the wirey strings on his guitar, which turns his fingers slightly red if he plays too often and too hard. Although he's used to it, another one of the things he's become so numb to. I haven't talked to him, ever, oddly enough. I was warned by Wendy years and years ago that about all the horrible things she would say and do if I ever even looked at her boyfriend. And being a shy and naive idiot I listened and avoided Stan for years. If I sat next to him in a class I would ignore him, pretend I had magically gone deaf, and pray for the best. And although it worked, I have always had the gut feeling he hated me for it.. or that he felt something about it, I was never sure what. After all, I'm no mind reader.
I don't even bother if I can ask to sit next to him, staying silent as usual. I would talk to him, but it's just become so normal for me to stay silent around him. It would feel out of place to speak. As I sit down next to him, I remember how long its been since I've sat next to him in a class or in general. He's grown. Jeez. He practically towers over me, he must be 6' something.. I just keep my eyes down, sliding my phone out of my pocket as I shove my bag down onto the floor. I put in my headphones and put my feet up on the edge of my seat, curling up into a ball slightly since there's no room in the footspace because of my chunky bag on the floor. I just scroll threw my phone, listening to music. My music taste has always been a very wild and wide selection of genres. But there's enough of that for now, because I'm overwhelmed and I want to stop the feeling. Luckily Stan is just staring out the window, he has his own headphones in, so I know I can relax in the sense that his gaze is resting elsewhere. It seems he is just watching the never ending snow covered fields and grass as the bus moves, it all looks identical. The exact same. A mirror image. I get a shiver down my spine, both from the thought of the mirror, from my dream.. although I can hardly argue it was a dream, a vision like that can only ever be a nightmare. The kind that fuels your fear and makes your bones feel icy, the kind that makes you wake up in cold sweat and terror. I just listen to my music as I space off, looking down at my feet in hopes that time would speed up or the ground could just swallow me up and let me disappear from existence entirely. My laces used to be a bright white, the pearly faint bleached colour you see in advertisem*nts or in shops when you buy them or look at them. Mine have been through the wringer. The adventures these shoes have been through are endless. For a shy girl who lives in a state of paranoia and anxiety.. I certainly know how to break the rules and go wild when I want to. My laces are the colour of tea bags.. or cold old coffee. A light pale tan or perhaps a beige.. the ends are frayed and wild, loose and free. Both are tied in neat little bows. Bows tied by Heidi. I never learned to tie my laces, and I remember Heidi showing off when she learned to do so when we were both 7. I was so shocked and wowed. I still am. Although now it's a more predominant feeling of uselessness. I'm 15.. and I can't even tie my own goddamn laces.. not without another girl helping me. I've always felt so embarrassed and ashamed of myself.
The bus pulls up in the front of the school and I try to get up, slinging my bag over my shoulder. My grip on my strap is tight and tired. I wish I could've slept in this morning. I don't think anybody wants to be here. Or maybe I'm wrong, as clearly I'm shoved back in my seat by the bitchy blonde girl I saw earlier and a large train of people start mushing through eachother to try rush off the bus. I don't even notice my jaw drop. I'm used to being treated as the invisible girl, but damn, who pissed in their cornflakes? I turn to glance at Stanley, he doesn't look all too happy either. I'm in the way and he can't get off the bus either. I feel so embarrassed. I get up suddenly, deciding its better to squeeze my way out of this scenario then to die of shame. As I get up and squeeze past someone, I hear a tut. Then the nasally voice I dread constantly snuffs out, "Wowwww, someone's in a rush. Just couldn't wait for school, eh nerd?" It's Wendy. I don't even have to turn around to immediately recognise that stuffy high pitched voice. I don't know why her voice drives me mad, like a box of frogs, wild, up the walls insane. Perhaps it's because I know she's a pick me girl, that she purposely puts on a fake squeaky voice because because she demands attention, that she feels she has to be the centre of everybody's world. I just gulp under my breath and turn on my side. I keep walking, trying to escape this without it blowing up in my face and not holding up the queue of melancholic and depressed teenagers dreading another new week of school on a Monday morning. "Oh.. sorry Wendy. It won't happen again.. promise."
I give her a small sorry smile and shuffle off the bus, trying not to let her realise how anxious I actually was. I have this theory Wendy is secretly two of those mad insane dogs stacked on top of eachother wearing a trench coat.. that would explain why she could smell everybody's fear.. and her rabies that foam at her mouth when someone disproves her points and makes a fool of her. I saw her tackle a girl once, she leaped at her like a panther and knocked her down to the ground. It was a sight to see. The poor girl beneath her, a broken nose and a ruined identity. Everyone would forever know her as 'that girl'. I always gave her a sad sympathy smile whenever I saw the poor girl in the halls.. everyone did.. I would talk to her, but I'm scares to. We all are. Luckily she has her own friends.. so I don't worry for her too often.
I'm off the bus now.. and it's cold. 'No sh*t sherlock, its colorado, you live in the mountains, its obviously gonna be snowy and cold' I scold myself in my head. To make matters worse I forgot my scarf and my gloves. I normally have the most wonderful scarf and gloves. A long blue scarf, with small colourful spots and colourful tassels at the end. My gloves are black and grey, stripy fingerless gloves. I purposely have fingerless gloves so I can text while still out in the cold. Although let's be real, who am I gonna be texting, I know very few people. Today is far icier than normal though, I'm surprised they didn't call off school, but maybe I'm just wishful thinking. I don't think the teachers want to be here either. They probably never do.
I walk into school, slowly as not to slip on the icy pavement. The ice is clear and frosty, it reminds me of those grey scale frosted windows you find in bathrooms.. how they're all blurred and muffled.. yet you can ever so slightly see a blurred image of distorted colours behind it. That what you see is often misinterpreted and more colourful on the other side, that the defining lines that make the image disappear and blur into a predominantly Smoky haze. 'How deep', I think to myself. I open my locker, my small slim fingers twist the lock effortlessly and I can feel the shiny cold steel of the lock against my fingers and the palm of my hand as I hold it. Its even cold in the school. No surprise. 'I'm gonna freeze my ass off, I can't belive I'm such a ditz.. how could I forget my gloves and my scarf?!' I scold myself mentally and open my locker. I grab a pen and write a note to self on my hand, drawing a little star. That should be enough to remind myself. I always do that. When I need to remember something I just draw little stars on my wrist or on the back of my hand. The more important the bigger the star. Luckily this is just a small one. The size of a pea perhaps.
I shake off the thought, promptly grabbing my books and shoving them into the mouth of my bag. Zipping it up and locking my locker again. My bag is covered in lots of key chains from all my favourite movie characters and TV shows. It's a form of self expression and identity, or at least that's what I tell my mom so she'll help fund my little addiction. I pick up my bag and start walking to my homeroom. We have this useless class every morning, the school makes us sit around for an hour and 'prepare' ourselves for the day. It's a complete waste of time. It only means staying in school for another hour and wasting perfectly good daylight. Although, our teacher Mr Garrison let's us do whatever we want, because he's always too busy gossiping and being a drama queen to care about our actual education. We all take turns pretending to give a f*ck so that the rest of us can chat and go on our phones or our laptops. Luckily today I wasn't the one selected to bite that bullet, maybe my luck is getting better. Who knows. I drop my bag carelessly on the floor and walk over to Heidi, she's leaned against the wall where the radiator is. I smile and walk over, she greets me in her usual outgoing and flamboyant manner. "Heyy bitch! What took you so long?" I lean up against the radiator next to her and chuckle as I reply back softly, my voice is delicate and mellow like honey. "I had to grab my books from my locker, sorry. Its totally freezing out today though."
Heidi chuckles maniacally and tilts her head as she teases back. "Since when did you feel the cold?! Your always complaining about being too hot and dying of the heat!"
I shrug. I'm not too sure. It's odd, the more I think about it the more I realise she's right. "Yeah.. your right. I dunno, it's odd.. I'm normally never cold."
Heidi jokes back with the most evil and boisterous smile full of malice. "I bet its because of how cold hearted you are~ your heart finally shrunk three sizes.. huh ms Grinch?"
My eyebrows narrow together slightly. I'm puzzled and slightly concerned. What on earth could she mean. Heidi notices how I'm slow to click, she slaps my arm in a playful manner and replies like it was the most obvious matter on earth. "I'm saying your still single dumbass!"
I make an audible, ohhhh, noise. I get it now. I look down at my shoes again, feeling like a dumbass, and she exactly calls me out for it. "Your such a dumbass sometimes y/n.. I swear.."
I stutter around a bit, trying to come up with some lame ass excuse to cover myself.. but I'm just not mentally here today. Heidi laughs like a mad woman, as if she was crazy, and pats me on the back as she tries wiping away any tears that threaten to spill out of her eyes. "Don't make me laugh y/n! Your so funny sometimes!"
I feel alone in this moment. I didn't even say anything and she's laughing harder than she ever has at any of my jokes or my funny tricks. I rub the side of my arm, looking away. I hear Heidi tut and tilt her head, she puts a hand on her hip and replies back.. more serious this time. "Oh cmon y/n, you know what I meant, don't be like this. I'm just playing around.-"
She takes a moment to calm herself, I'm not sure why until I look up at her and see her trying to withstand a parade of giggles. She mumbles quietly, leaning over slightly and nudging me with her elbow as she whispers in my ear. Her breath is hot and damp. A nice contrast to the icy porcelain air. "-plus.. wouldn't want to make a fool of yourself in front of your little lover boy~ now would we~"
I gasp slightly and elbow her back, slightly more forcefully to get her to shut up. Heidi starts laughing her ass off again, she's in complete stitches. I blush, my pale face turning a shade of pinkish red.. the colour of blush or expensive lipstick.. or pretty perfume bottles you see in drug store windows and dream about, spacing off and imaging your life if you were born a millionaire, and what youd spend all your incredible money on. I know this so called 'lover boy' all too well. I shake my head in shame.
Chapter 4: Shooting stars
Chapter Text
Chapter 4 - shooting stars
Heidi has always teased me about this boy.. Kyle Broflovski, the popular Jewish boy who is best friends with Stanley. Kyle.. he's pale, and he has ginger hair.. although his hair is far more curly than mine. He has the same faint freckles that dot across his face like constellations in the night sky, like a connect the dots. Although he has the most vivid green eyes.. the colour of the green lights of the aurora borealis in the polar sky.. or of slices of limes sliced and placed on the rim of a glass of cooling lemonade. He's tall, but not too much taller than me. He has freckles all down his arms, and he wears the most posh and prim clothes. Shirts layered with argyle sweaters or fancy jumpers, with stylish baggy pants and a pair of old vans. Although his shoes aren't nearly as worn out as my cons. We both have parents who have the highest expectations of us and our grades and we both love a lot of the same things. Unlike my silent hostility between Stanley and I, kyle and I are actually friends. We hang out every Saturday evening to study together and help eachother work on whatever we struggle on.. school wise. He's never shown any form of romantic interest in me from what I've seen.. although in his defence its not like I'm trying anything either. I just tend to sit there awkwardly and twirl my hair around my finger while I space off.. and by the time Kyle finishes all his homework he'll tap on my shoulder and I'll finally snap out of it. I would never ever dare tell him, but I'm often daydreaming of him. I feel so guilty for it, because he's often sat right across from me, but I can't help myself. It's too hard not to dream about those electrifying eyes.. that half smile and his laugh. I've rarely heard him laugh.. he's not the kind of guy to laugh, so when he does, I tend to get some sort of dopamine boost. Especially when I'm the one who made him laugh. I could listen to his laugh allll day. It's a raspy and deep sound.
Well.. everything was fine until Heidi dragged the knowledge out of me like some sort of cia agent. Damn that girl can be scary when she wants to be. I begged her not to tell anyone. But in the back of my mind I knew she'd tell the one person I didn't want to know more than anyone else. Her horrible boyfriend, Eric.. I have never liked him.. and I have always despised how he treated Heidi. Heidi has slowly been changing herself since they started going out a few months ago.. and it drives me wild.. that my best friend could be so naive and stupid. Eric, or more commonly know by the other students as 'fattass', is a short obese boy with a deep strained voice. He has blue eyes and the most disgusting brown hair that's too short and too long in all the wrong places. Apparently because his hoe mother cuts his hair. He has small moles and a gap inbetween a few of his teeth. His nose has a bump from the amount of times he's gotten into scraps, and when Wendy broke his nose back in the 4th grade. Normally I don't judge by appearance.. but my gut immediately knew he was trouble. And I was right. In less then a month he had gaslighted Heidi, who has always been vegetarian, into eating KFC with him.. making her play all his favourite video games and watch all his favourite films.. but he never calls her to check on her.. or text her to say nice things to her. He just treats her like sh*t.. and she just seems to accept it. The worst part.. is that he hates me.. solely because I'm close to his arch enemy, and my friend, kyle. Kyle and Eric have always had bad blood against each other. Eric has gone out of his way several times to ruin Kyle's life.. but Kyle always bounces back.
Heidi has always officially shipped Kyle and I.. and Eric has always gone out of his way to make sure he always teases us whenever Heidi brings it up or whenever he sees me even remotely close to Kyle.. sometimes he just gets bored and screams it out just to cause drama. Kyle knows how I hate the drama and the awkwardness.. but it usually just ends up with Kyle and Eric arguing back and forth for an hour or so.
I'm snapped out of my wonderful world of comfort and daydreams by Heidi.. who shakes me violently by my shoulders and asks. "Well?"
I clearly missed something. I mumble, tilting my head, my voice low and quiet, velvety like cotton or feathers. "I'm sorry, I think I must of spaced out and missed something important there.. what?"
Heidi groans and rolls her eyes then repeats whatever I missed in my little escape from the real world. "Y/n, I was just saying how cute you and Kyle would be together! Can't you imagine it! You guys are perfect for eachother!"
Her face scrunches up into a big goofy smile, I just rub my arm awkwardly and mutter back. "Uhh.. I dunno.. I don't think Kyle likes me like that. Plus, he's not in the right place for a relationship right now.. he's taking care of Stan."
I'm partially right. Kyle is definitely taking care of Stanley, since Stan is still going through a lot and is feeling extremely depressed. His new farm life means he's quite isolated from everybody.. emotionally and physically. Part of me felt bad for Stan.. although i would rather die than admit it. I could definitely empathise with him.. I've been there.. in a sort of similar situation and it's not easy. But I refuse to talk about it.. at least for now.
Before I can even reply back, and come up with something to shut Heidi up from asking too many questions, the bell rings and saves my ass. I let out a sigh I didn't even realise I was holding. Heidi gives me a sneaky side eye, almost catching on to my antics. I play it off as a cough, picking up my bag to leave. Heidi shrugs it off, trusting me. I'm the only friend she has left. She's changed herself so much that she's become a complete bitch.. although I'm the only one who can still see a glitter of good in her.. I'm the only one who still sees the real Heidi because I know her better than anyone else.
Just as I'm about to leave, I feel the warm delicate touch of someone's hand wrap around my wrist in a smooth and sleek motion. Their grip isn't tight or all too firm, but it isn't slack either. I turn around slowly, tilting my head puzzled. I'm met with the eyes I was talking about only just earlier.
Chapter 5: Asteroids
Notes:
Sorry if the quality goes down slightly, after this chapter I accidentally sliced open my thumb with my penknife trying to to cut stuff out for my art and it was incredibly hard to type, hope you enjoy though, (I'll try fix it up at some point) <33
Chapter Text
chapter 5 - asteroids
I looked up at the taller figure before me, I recognise the sparkly lime eyes and the dark circles under the figures eyes. It's Kyle. And he's clearly been staying up late again cramming and studying till early morning to get the best grades he possibly can. I wouldn't put it past him, I wouldn't be surprised if he scored 101% and beat the system.. he probably would. He's far smarter than any of these minimum wage teachers who are living like coffee addicted zombies. He tilts his head down slightly and his arm wraps around my other arm in a friendly sense. He has a wheezy, matter-of-fact voice.. the kind I could easily identify in a crowd. "Heyyy.. y/n! I just wanted to talk really quick.."
I nod a bit. Staying quiet because it's still only the early hours of the morning and I'm too tired for school still.. I'm still half asleep, hence how I forgot half my stuff. He makes a clicking noise, almost like a tut, and he tilts his head as if internally debating with himself about something. Then he turns and says. "Look.. I really need to start studying more, ok? I'm sure you feel the same, I mean, we have exams at the end of the year. So.. I was wondering if we could start studying more. Maybe a few nights a week."
I wasn't sure if he was trying to get time away from Stan, so he could relax for a few hours.. or if he genuinely wanted to spend his time studying and doing boring maths and science all afternoon. After all, I knew he wouldn't be trying to spend more time with me, hes too busy for that. Then again, kyle has always been a bit of a maths and science nerd. He's just smart. Either way, I nod and mutter back softly. "Sure.. what did you have in mind?"
He quickly replies back. "Same time as usual, from 7pm to 10pm. But just more frequently. I was thinking Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays as well as our Saturdays."
He has clearly thought about this already in depth detail which is not surprising in the slightest. He always plans ahead.
I just scratch the back of my head and whistle out a sigh like some whacky cartoon character off the tv, I think about it. Its not like I'm ever doing anything actually important after school.. sort of. I don't play a sport, not since I was 12. I'm not apart of any clubs, god no, i meanwho actually has the social battery for that? And I certainly don't have the energy on school days to go be productive. I barely have the energy to do my homework. But how could I ever say no to those alluring Emerald eyes, I couldn't, never. I stutter for a single second before replying, keeping it short and sweet. "Sure.. my place or yours?"
He doesn't hesitate to respond back. "Mine. You always doze off and fall asleep whenever we study at your house.. then again I wouldn't put it past you to sleep at my house either. Your always asleep.. always napping."
I didn't even notice when I started chuckling at what he said, finding humour in it. I smile softly and joke back, feeling slightly playful. "Yeah, I might as well just come in my pajamas to our study sessions at this point.. at least then I'll be comfortable when I collapse asleep on the desk.."
And then I hear it. He chuckles. Just slightly, and just for a moment. But just as soon as I saw his lips curl up, I see them unfurl and straighten again. He nods and nods his head towards the door. "I better go.. stans probably waiting for me at his locker, he'll be wondering whats taking me so long.. but I'll expect to see you at 7 at my door. Okay?" I nod and he walks off. He has a confident walk. His shoes slightly making a rough squeaking sound because of how much he's worn out the souls, I can hear it against the ugly blue laminate flooring. Well.. I didn't expect that.. but I'm not complaining. Its probably a better use of my time anyways, instead of just lying in bed all day listening to music or staring at my ceiling absent mindedly. At least I'll be learning something now.. like, the square root of how many minutes it takes for me to doze off on top of my maths homework. I walk out of the classroom, feeling slightly good about myself. He chose me as his study buddy, me. Then again, I'm the only other A+ student in the class other than Wendy. And Kyle doesn't get along with Wendy in the slightest. Still, let's not rain on that parade, I feel good for once.. I've almost completely forgot about my nightmares and about my beef with Heidi's horrible boyfriend Eric.
I can see Kyle talking to Stan down the hall, stans leaning against his locker, wearing a baggy hoodie over his uniform and he's completely forgotten and disregarded his tie. Stans hair is a mess, it's got bed head written all over it. I wouldn't be surprised if he fell asleep during class. But I'll keep my mouth shut, I don't want to be a hypocrite. As I walk down the hall I give a small wave to Kyle, as a friendly gesture, and he gives a small wave back. He even smiles slightly. Wow. I'm really on a roll today, my day may have started badly but it just keeps getting better. Stan notices me and glares at me, then rolls his eyes, groaning, although I can't hear it as I'm far away. I can see Stan angrily whispering at Kyle, and Kyle getting offended and whisper arguing back. I decide now is my time to leave. I'll ditch school. Its not like I give two sh*ts about my attendance, it's fine. I walk down the old sticky halls, the tiled floors which consist of the same old checkered blue and grey tiles seem to repeat endlessly.
Chapter 6: Meteor
Notes:
Just a warning, this one is a bit more gory ig.. (soz <33)
Chapter Text
chapter 6 - meteor
As soon as I get home, to the same bland beige house I've lived in my entire life, I dump my bag on the spruce floors. My bag, which is beaten and old from the many years, is covered in pins and patches, with key chains on the zips. One of the zips is slightly busted, but it does me fine, it works, and that is all I care about. I walk into my kitchen and open my fridge, which is adorned decoratively in colourful fridge magnets, which pins pictures and bills for the water to the fridge. Most of the enamel pins are shaped like little colourful animals, from the several million trips to the zoo I've been to on repeat, there are even pictures of my family at the zoo pinned up using said magnets. Why does is my family so obsessed with the zoo, jeez. It's a mess, but it looks nice from a distance, that distance being 20 miles away so that even if you squint you can't see it. I look through the fridge tiredly. Wow, I'm tired already, I can why my friends all pin me as the sleepy friend now. It finally makes sense. My fridge is a pale white, the tacky kind, and I'm barely taller than it. Its a small fridge I guess, and it has that iconic.. fridge.. smell, of yucky food? You know exactly what im talking about and dont even deny it. I take out a can of Fanta and walk back into my living room as I pop the lid and take a small sip. Watching it fizz, whizz and bubble as it rises to the surface and pops and sparks, making a soft crackling noise like logs on a fire. It has a strong citric flavour, tangy, there's no mistaking it for the orange soda it is. I remember I'm home alone, f*ck, I forgot about that. My mother is visiting her sister in Washington, and my father is off for work in california. My brother? Staying with my aunt in florida. It'll probably be fine, I mean.. I can cook? Although Heidi says that setting your kitchen on fire isn't a normal step in the cooking process. So who knows.
I slide off my shoes, the pair of old red converse falling apart at every seem that I've grown to adore, and lie back on my couch. Now just wearing my mismatched socks, one is blue with stripes and cats on it and the other is yellow with spots and tacos. I don't think I own two of the same socks. They just seem to disappear, i like to think they get divorced, and thats why i only have one of each pair. After all, i wouldnt want to be forced to stay with someone identical to me, god no. I love myself, sorta, but i have a feeling I'd get annoying really quick. Staring at the pale white ceiling while I think, thinking about socks arguing and bickering. I can almost imagine it like a movie, where the wife sock grabs the kid socks and storms out yelling. I find it humourous. I placed my can of Fanta on the floor beside me, and then proceed to let out the biggest sigh of relief I didn't even know I was holding. Peace. I finally had the entire house alllll to myself, for at least a week or two. Was this heaven? Maybe. Just maybe it was. I lean back, letting my head rest against a pillow on the arm of my couch and staring hazily up at the ceiling. I take off my glasses, folding them up neatly and placing them on the little side table. And yawn. My vision of the ceiling goes from hazy, to swirly, and then it goes dark.
I'm stood in front of my bathroom mirror again? When did I get here? I slowly reach my hand out to touch the icy polar porcelain of the sink edge. It sends shivers up my spine.. I pull the little cord next to the mirror and the light around the mirror turns on. It all feels so familiar.. I get a sense of deja vu once again. My eyes finally fall on the figure in the mirror. It's me. Or is it? Last time I checked.. my eyes didn't look as glossy or wet. Oh. I'm crying. I didn't even realise my teats streaming down my face at first, it all felt sort of numb in a sense. I couldn't hear anything, it was all completely and utterly silent. And then it happened.. the creature in the mirror, my supposed clone, started speaking. Although, I couldn't hear anything she said. It was as if had gone completely deaf in the moment. The silence was like a knife, and every second I was left wondering what any of this meant. What had happened? Was I speaking and I saw my reflection? Or was it something else? I can only feel the hot wet tears steam and roll down my rosy cheeks as they splash silently against the porcelain. My grip tightens on the porcelain ceramic sink ledge and my knuckles slowly turn white. I can see the figure in the mirror get angry, frustrated, clearly upset with something.
And then, like lightning, in a swift and smooth movement, the mirror shatters violently. The glass explodes and crashes all over the bathroom countertype and the floor, but most of it falls in the sink. When I raise my glance, the figure is gone, and so is the reflective surface. But in its place is my fist. I feel nothing, not even my own words or thoughts going through my head. I'm utterly numb in ever single sense. Crimson splatters across the countertop, running like a waterfall off my fist and dripping onto the floor in a puddle. Like a pool of cranberry juice, I can see my reflection faintly in the surface of the blood. It looks disappointed and ashamed of me, it shakes its head and tuts. Its all silent still. Which is alarming me and starting to drive me mad. I can't even feel the pain anymore. I can't feel anything. My eyes raise again to look at the sink, and as I turn on the tap, it doesn't immediately run. Instead it coughs slightly and shudders, then drips and slowly spills like it should. The water doesn't appear though. Instead it's the same red I saw on the floor.. the bright firehydrant colour that seems all to vivid and familiar. I guess I know what they say, blood runs thicker than water. It starts to flood my sink, as the drain is clogged and clustered with the shattered glass. I hit the nob of the tap with the palm of my hand, twisting it and trying to get it to stop. But it doesn't. It keeps pouring out endlessly. And ever so surely, it starts to spill out across the counter and down the cabinets onto the floor. It's flooding. I scream. It's silent. My hands fly into my hair, yanking, pulling, dragging it out of pure anxiety.
The blood is now at my ankles. I can feel it on my skin now. It feels sticky and runny, slimy and cold.. but not too cold because its also warm. Its shiny and metallic. I hate it. Its completely disgusting and malicious. As soon as I felt and saw it, my head bends down to my sink again and I cannot help but get sick. I'm crying again. By the time I've stopped puking out my guts and bawling my eyes out I have no tears left to cry.. my eyes sore, red and puffy. The blood has risen up to my waist.
I slam my fists against the now submerged countertop as it keeps rising. Its getting faster with every second. And in mere seconds it rises up to my shoulders. I look around in a frantic state of panic for some escape. But I can't find anything. My reflection rises with the surface, it stills looks disappointed in me and glares at me as it rises to my jaw. I tilt my head back, trying to keep breathing. I can't swim in this, it's too thick.. too disgusting.. too.. horrific. And just like that I'm submerged too, just like the sad beige bathroom. I don't fight it, I just breathe out, letting my lungs empty themselves and give in from any struggle. Immediately afterwards they fill with the blood and I'm choking, drowning in this red sea. And then it goes dark.
My eyes rocket open and I sit up. Immediately in a sense of panic as I start giving myself a pat down to check I'm alive and all of me exists. I gulp. My breathing is incredibly erratic and unevenly paced, fast.. and furious. I feel the cold sweat kick in. That's when I recognise the feeling, I've felt it countless times.. I'm awake. I dreamt the whole thing. What a horrible dream, what is wrong with me. A lot clearly. I start crying, looking around and trying to calm myself. It's a lot to process, and it feels like the weight of the world has just been lifted off my shoulders when I felt it was only a dream, just to have the weight put back on as I feel the shell-shock of the aftermath. Why can't I have normal nightmares like a normal teen girl? Why does it have to be creepy sh*t like drowning in blood while locked in my bathroom getting stared down by only assumably my alter ego. Holy f*ck thats a mouthful and a half. Still, i have a point, why cant i just dream of normal things. I feel like this is the kind of stuff people tell therapists about.. I've been to shrinks before.. but it always ends the same. With me lying. I don't want to get put in the looney bin after all, and I don't want them to tell my parents what I'm like. They already have enough on their plates without me getting haunted in my sleep. My breathing slows and starts to pace itself as I wrap myself in a blanket, putting my glasses back on.
I cough a little, just to make sure I can hear it and I'm not still dreaming. After all, we've all had dreams where we've dreamt we were dreaming. Or dreams where you dream your dreaming, but your not because your actually still dreaming about that dream in another dream. It is quite the rabbit hole to fall down. Sure enough, I hear the raspy sound and I'm instantly assured of my safety. I just lay limply on my couch staring at my ceiling as I focus on my breathing, trying to let the shell-shock wear off. Then I slowly pick up my phone and turn it over, sliding my thumb over the on button and looking at the time. sh*t. It's 6:50.. and I'm meant to be at Kyle's house with all my books and a can do positive attitude for a study session in 10 minutes. I'm soooo screwed. I'm about to get the hugest earful of a lifetime.
I drop my phone on my couch and sprint upstairs, tripping slightly on the slippy floors in my hall before making it upstairs. I strip off my uniform and dash to my wardrobe, grabbing a hoodie and some baggy jeans. Too tired and too rushed to wear something nice and well put together. I almost fall flat on my face as I slide over to my bed, picking up all the books I need and shoving them in a book bag. I quickly grab the things I need and look at my watch. 5 minutes. 'Oh good lord.' I think to myself. I ditch the rest and run downstairs again, this time I do fall on the slippy Hall floor. I promptly get up, my elbow sore from where I fell, but I'm in too much of a rush to be able to stop and coddle myself or take a look. I grab my phone off the couch and shove my keys in my book bag. And just like that I run outside, lock the door and start bolting it down the street.
Luckily for me, kyle only lives a couple streets over, in the next neighbourhood. I'm panting as I rush up his driveway and up the little path to his door. Then I'm bent over with my hands on my knees trying to violently catch my breath as I knock weakly, it makes a soft pattering knock sound. I look at my watch and then I hear a click and a swoosh, I raise my gaze to see Kyle. It's 7:01. He looks unhappy. Then again he always looks like that. I'm still panting as I apologise, rambling. "I am sooo sorry Kyle! I swear! I went home after class, and I was just lying on my couch and I totally fell asleep. I didn't mean to be late."
Then he rolls his eyes and smirks, teasing me in an almost playful manner. "Wowww, your sooo late." He chuckles, a proper hearty chuckle. I have never heard him laugh like this before. I feel my cheeks get slightly rosy, I can't tell if it's from all my running or from him. Although I'll assume the latter because it sounds more romantic. "Just get in loser, we're losing good daylight right now."
I let out a sigh of relief and chuckle slightly myself, walking in and taking off my shoes politely. After all, Kyle's mother is a total clean freak. (And a total bitch, but I'd never say that.)
Kyle takes me up to his room, we always study in his room whenever we're at his house. I'm used to it by now, and I know his room like the back of my hand. He has pale clean white walls, with the occasional poster about some topic he likes. Like the cure, or something sciencey. He has a wooden bedframe, big white pillows and a grey stripy bedsheets with a gray blanket folded at the end of the bed. His room is incredibly neat and tidy. His guitar in the corner of the room. The infamous desk covered in all his stuff, dvds he watches on his xbox, pens everywhere, candles scented like clean cotton or subtle vanilla, a pile of textbooks and notes, and of course his computer. And of course Stanley. Wait, what? He's not meant to be there. I was not expecting to see Stan sat on the edge of his bed. Stan immediately feels my eyes on him and looks back up at me, we're both softly glaring at eachother. Not a word said between us. The tension could be slit with a butter knife.. or more likely in my opinion is a machete.
Kyle, being the oblivious idiot he is, just sits on his bed next to Stan and starts grabbing his notes and his textbook off his desk from where he's sat. Not wanting to be awkward, I sit at Kyle's desk, in the spinney chair. Normally I do funny goldfinger impressions, pretending to have a cat in my lap to stroke as I spin around slowly and dramatically quote the villainous lines. It's a reference to some of the movies he likes. And it often makes him chuckle a little. But not now, I'm not doing any impressions with Stan around, that would make a fool of myself. Stan just rolls his eyes and starts whispering angrily to Kyle again, like I saw him do earlier today. He seems very secretive and rude, not wanting to say whatever it is to my face. I tut and just take out my books. Opening them to whatever page I remember opening last.
Kyle seems to give up with his whisper argument between him and Stan, whatever they were arguing about, he gets up and leaves the room. Kyle says to me before he leaves. "One sec, I just got to get something for Stan so he shuts the f*ck up and leaves me alone. I'll be back in a moment." I nod a little, not wanting to be rude, even though part of me feels livid. I just put on a fake smile and reply back. "Oh yeah, sure. Take your time, I don't mind at all, I get it." Although the last thing I want is for him to take his time. Kyle just walks out of the room casually and I sigh, I wish I told him not to take his time. Goddamn, its awkward now. I'm just sat across the room from Stan, as we both glare softly at eachother.
Stan is the first to speak as he says, his voice low and raspy. "So.. you and Kyle huh?" The sarcasm evident in his voice was undeniably easy to spot. Although I didn't expect him to say that of all things. It takes me a moment to register what he said and think of a good reply. I'm not trying to make drama, I f*cking hate drama. I mumble back softly. "I'm not sure what you mean..". I'm not lying, I'm a little puzzled on what he specifically meant. I look down at my shoes, the same dirty frayed laces as always, as Stan mutters back. It sounds like his teeth are gritted ever so slightly. "You know what I meant, don't play f*cking stupid. I'm talking about how you look at him, with those rancid heart eyes." I'm a little bit taken aback by the fact he just called me out on that. I scratch the back of my head and think about how I would even begin to reply to that. I lean back in the gaming chair and sigh, then I sharply inhale and reply softly. "Look.. I'm not gonna lie to you like that Stanley. Ok?.. I think he's a nice guy, Ok? But I couldn't. He's always too busy for a relationship. He wouldn't be interested in me." I rub my arm as Stan rolls his eyes. Clearly that was not the response he wanted to hear. He groans and reply back, annoyed with me. "Jesus y/n, you don't have to 'spill all the tea' to me.. it's not like I'm your diary or whatever." He huffs then adds. "I still don't believe you. Do me a favour and stay away from Kyle, ok? I don't trust you with my best friend.. in fact, just block him and ignore him." My eyebrows furrow. I get a bit annoyed as I mutter back. "What the f*ck? Dude, no.. he's my friend too. I'm not just gonna start avoiding him just because you don't like me." Stan tuts and tilts his head as he sashes back. "Well, you certainly had no problem ghosting me. I don't see the big deal." So this is what he's salty about? Why though? This is my first conversation with him, it's not like we used to be friends.. so why is me ignoring him such a big deal to him? Why is he so obsessed with me ghosting Kyle? Is this some sort of vengeance? I'm oh so puzzled.
I glare at him as I mutter back annoyed. "There's a difference Stan. I didn't want to ghost you, Wendy told me I had to, and I complied because she's scary. Your doing the same thing as her as we speak." He didn't expect that answer. Part of him feels stupid, I can tell, I've caught him there. But he's too prideful to admit that, god no, Stan Marsh would rather be caught dead than admit he was wrong. He grumbles back, leaning back as he sits on Kyle's bed, propping himself up with his elbows. "Firstly. Wendy isn't scary. Get a grip, she's just confident. Secondly, I don't care! This isn't about me and it isn't about Wendy either! This is about you and Kyle."
I groan. This is not how I wanted to spend my time tonight. Listening to his vexatious voice, which sounds like a record player stuck on loop. Like a car engine that just won't start no matter how much you yell and slam the steering wheel repetitively. I mutter back, trying desperately not to loose my cool. "That's not what it looks like to me. I think your just salty because I don't talk with you, your using Kyle as an excuse to enact some petty revenge.". Stan scoffs, offended. He mutters back through gritted teeth, his teeth are a subtle off white and I've been told from other classmates that his breath always smells like ciggarettes and booze. How on earth does wendy kiss him, its sounds disgusting. "Oh shut up y/n! You don't even know Kyle like I do! You hang out with that greasy bitch Heidi and her boyfriend the fat pig! I'm protecting Kyle, and as his friend you should want the best for him, so stay away from him!". I audibly gasp. How dare he, I feel livid. I raise my voice back. "Take that back! Heidi is the sweetest girl in our class and she has always been there for me!" I'm not defending her toxic boyfriend, I think we can all agree he's an asshole. Stan smirks, like a know it all, and teases rudely. "So? If she's so sweet why don't you go study with her instead? Why with Kyle?"
We both go quiet. Having reached some form of a stalemate, our social batteries too drained to continue the argument. I groan, irritated, and turn to look at some of the notes Kyle gave me earlier. His writing is so curly, so fancy and pretty. It makes me feel ashamed, my writing is a mess, it looks like scribbles and I've been told people struggle to read it sometimes. I trace my finger over the ornate loops and bends of the colourful little flashcards. I can tell Stan is rolling his eyes behind me.
Kyle eventually comes back up with a plate.. of hotpockets? He walks in with a tall confident stride and passes it to Stan, who picks one up and starts munching on it even though it is still wayyyy too hot. I'm certain he is going to burn the roof of his mouth. Still, this is seriously what he begged Kyle to go get? What the actual f*ck.. how lazy. I'm such a hypocrite, goddamn.
Kyle pulls over a chair next to the one I'm sat in at his desk and he sits next to me. Flicking through the pages and doing smartypants stuff. I'm already getting bored and tired. I can hear Stanley muching on the chewy pizza pockets behind us, and the wind blowing in through the window making the drapes float elegantly and of course the sound of Kyle flicking through pages, scribbling notes on more flashcards and muttering things. He's talking to me, but I don't hear much because I'm tired. It all sounds like gobbledygook, a blur of random bullsh*t. In one ear and out the other. I can smell the cheesy hotpockets, they make me hungry, I'd totally steal one but I think Stan would throw hands if I did. I get the feeling he doesn't like me in the slightest, and if he did, he certainly has it out for me now. I can smell the fresh ink from all of Kyle's notes, and that undescribable smell of new books, paired with the scent of all his boring candles.. it's enough for me to yawn. Of course Kyle doesn't notice. For a smart guy he is often too caught up in his head trying to solve math to notice his surroundings. One thing leads to another and now I'm lying my head in my arms on the desk, and then my eyes close for a second to blink, and I realise they didn't exactly open again for a while. God f*cking damn it, I fell asleep again.
This isn't exactly handy.. after all, knowing myself I'll have probably taken a 3 hour nap.. and Kyle's mother, being the biggest bitch in the whole wide world and to all the boys and girls, will have gotten angry I stayed so late. She set a curfew for Kyle a few years ago, and Kyle doesn't like talking about it because it's embarrassing. He has to be home and not have company over after 10pm.
Strangely, when I wake up, I'm outside. I rub my eyes, I forgot my glasses at Kyle's house, so its a little bit blurry in the distance. But I can make out what's happening.. for definite.
Chapter 7: Satellite
Chapter Text
chapter 7 - satellite
I'm being carried princess style in Stan marsh's arms down the road to my street. What the actual f*ck.
I never expected this in a bazillion years.. I would have expected pigs to fly first, or for my chemical romance to regroup.. both of which are sadly impossible. (I LOVE YOU MCR! PLZ REGROUP! MCR5 AND MCRX FOR LIFE!) He notices I'm looking up at him, and his face twists from a calm and deadpan complexion to a sour look in mere seconds. I didn't even realise my jaw was dropped until he muttered. "So your awake now? Wow, I knew you were just trying to get out of walking." I close my mouth, staying silent. I'm too tired and still half asleep to process this. Why haven't I jumped out of his arms yet? Why am I not arguing with him? Why is he carrying me? Why is he still carrying me even though I'm awake now? I have so many questions. I look off at the scenery around us. Lamps, with warm orange light pouring down on us and onto the greyscale concrete pavement. The sun is setting so quickly and there are a few clouds at the edges of the skyline. It looks ethereal. The landscape, the snowy fields and evergreen trees which decorate the street sides, and the small pond off in the distance in the park, which was nicknamed starks pond for no apparent reason. Perhaps it was named after someone important? Who knows. It feels strange being held in someone else arms, it's a warm feeling, and although I hate Stan with every single bone in my body, I must admit it feels safe. But I'd rather jump off a cliff or drown in starks pond before I'd ever admit that. Then, for just a moment, I could've sworn I felt his hand rub my arm in a delicate and soft sense. But when I tilted my head discreetly I saw nothing of the sort. I must be going mad. Insane. Completely delusional. Why would I imagine that? Was I that touch starved and desperate? No.. surely? Right?
Ultimately, we reach my house, and before I can open my mouth to ask him to put me down, he opens the gate and starts carrying me all the way up to my door. I know full well he did not have to do that if he didn't want to. So why did he do it? I brush it off as nothing, he's probably just as tired as I am, he probably didn't even notice he did it. Why am I overthinking it? Why am I thinking about him so much? Gosh darn it... what is going on with me? Regardless, we reach my front door, and this time I know for a fact I felt him give me a soft gentle squeeze in his arms before putting me back on my feet. It was like a subtle hug. I feel my face warm ever so slightly, and I look down at my tainted messy laces. Embarrassed slightly. He's the first to speak afterwards, he mumbles tiredly. "Night y/n.. sleep well.. ok?" And for a moment I'm convinced he's being nice. For the first time in his miserable little life.. for one reason or another he feverly reached out his hands to hold my hand, gently rubbing my knuckles with his fingers in delicate light airy movements. I look up at him. My gaze cannot be severed from the beautiful mahogany eyes.. he just stares back. And then, as I should've expected, he mutters, his face souring again. "And if I catch you around Kyle again I swear y/n.." I'm left gobsmacked and jaw dropped. Shocked. He completely ruined the moment!
I immediately slip my hand out of his hands and rummage for my keys in my book bag, turning away from him promptly. Muttering back, not wanting to admit I felt slightly disappointed and heartbroken after that. In complete denial that I could ever even like him. "Whatever Stanley, I hope you choke in your sleep." I grumble it. Swiftly opening my door and walking inside. Hearing him jeer me as I do so, trying to get under my skin and start a fight. "Oh, so no thank you then? I carried you all the way here!" I give him a side eye, leaning degenerately against the doorframe as I spit back with venom teasingly. "Oh shut up stan, you know you enjoyed it you asshole." Rapidly slamming my door straight away afterwards. Leaving Stan agape and slightly pissed, which would be a problem I'd happily face tomorrow instead.
I walk inside and sigh. I can feel calmer already, I can also feel the heat in my cheeks dissipate.. but I'm ignoring it was even there in the first place. I don't want to like Stan, he's a mean asshole and he's Wendy's boyfriend. She'd kill me if he didn't first. Plus, whatever soft moment that was clearly won't be happening again, I need to realise this is the reality of life. I need to get a grip. I drop my book bag on the floor by the stairs and take off my shoes, not because I'm worried of traipsing dirt around my house, because lord knows I don't care about that. No, it's because I want to walk around in my funky odd socks. They slide on the floorboards and I find it funny. Heidi says I'll end up slipping and breaking my arm one day, but I doubt it. Speaking of, I just remembered her. She should be here? She usually crashes at my house allll the time. I call out softly. "Heidi! You there?!" And swiftly get a yell back from the kitchen responding, "In here bitch! I brought company!". That's not too odd, I can already guess who it is. After all, it's my little friend group. Heidi, Craig (the boy from the bus earlier), Tweek (craigs boyfriend), and myself. I walk into the kitchen, and I'm met instantaneously with the friendly faces I've grown to adore.
Tweek, is a short boy. He is incredibly pale, for no good reason, because he spends lots of time outdoors, so its always a mystery how he remains so pale. He has quite possibly the messiest hair, it's raggedy and overgrown yet at the same time it's too short and completely uneven. It's spiky, I sometimes wonder if it's naturally able to stick up like that from the pure amount of stress the boy endures of if he uses product. Its another wonder of the universe that scientists will never quite understand I guess. He wears a green button up shirt with long green sleeves, although because his hands are so shaky he can't even do half the buttons, so Craig's resorted to forcing him wear jumpers over it so he doesn't get cold out in the snow. He's a very hyper and twitchy boy, and is always having some sort of panic attack for one reason or another. The poor boy is just filled and fueled by constant anxiety, and I don't blame him, I would be too if I were him.
Craig on the other hand is like his exact opposite. He constantly wears a blue chullo hat with these little yellow pompoms at the end, he's worn it ever since the 4th grade and he won't ever take it off. Not even during school picture day, the time we went to the pool, the beach day, the time we played superheroes as kids.. it literally never comes off his head. Not even at sleepovers or slumber parties. I've been told he just sleeps in it. How odd. Regardless, he has golden tan skin and deep matching coffee coloured eyes. A mole on his right cheek and slightly tilted teeth, hence why he wears braces. He hates his braces, but his parents force him. Craig likes to dress up in whatever is comfortable, usually a tshirt, a flannel shirt and some sweatpants or cargo pants with vans. He's a very down to earth guy, but can often be a realist and rain in people's parades. He is not that good at reading emotions.. and often struggles at reading the room. He has a monotone voice and a deadpan serious expression at all times. I've been told he smiled, just once, when he got his pet guinea pig stripe for the first time. That's what tweek tells me, it sounds completely unbelievable, but he swears its true. The couple treat that guinea pig like their child.. its slightly creepy, but whatever floats their boat I guess. I can't say anything.. Heidi and I practically treat my cat as our kid, she's always cuddling it and feeding it and making jokes that it's our kid. I think Heidi's nuts, but whatever. I think the cats just going along with it to piss me off, after all, that cat absolutely hates me. The only person it likes is Heidi, and I've often caught it glaring at me judgingly for even breathing the same air as Heidi. Asshole cat. It doesn't even look cute, it has long scrawny fur that looks like it drowned in a bucket.. it's a cream and grey coloured cat. Still, a complete asshole.
Craig is sat on the kitchen island, I can only assume he's playing roblox on his phone, probably scamming 8 year old kids in adopt me. Although I heard a rumour he scammed the basketball captain Clyde into giving him his legendary unicorn, apparently Clyde lost his sh*t and started bawling his eyes out in his maths class. He got caught for playing on his phone and got a detention but he didn't care.. he was too busy sobbing. Craig never told me if the story was true, but it sounds like something he would totally do and something Clyde would totally fall for. I wouldn't put it past either of them for even a second.
Tweek and Heidi on the other hand are both wearing aprons they stole from my kitchen and are baking something from the looks of it? Tweek is completely covered from head to toe in flour.. I can imagine this is probably because Heidi asked him to pour it and his shaky hands caused a spill.. or more likely an explosion of flour. Heidi is stirring something chocolatey and runny in a bowl.. it smells good. f*ck, I didn't know they could bake. As I walk in I lean against the kitchen island and ask playfully. "Roblox?" I get a monotonous yeah back from Craig. "Scamming or catfishing this time?" He then mutters back a swift monotonous "both." And I nod my head. I condone this behavior because I find it absolutely f*cking hilarious. I nod and pat his back, replying back playfully. "Good job son, I'm proud of you." He looks up and says in the most straight serious voice ever, "I wish my real dad would say that.", and I buckle. I try not to laugh as I feel bad. Heidi is literally dying wheezing right now, and tweek is twitching like a time bomb making odd noises like usual. I just nod and mumble back, trying to brush it off. "Ok.." Craig then mutters, "bazinga." What a cruel joke. He had all of us there for a moment. Asshole. My smile drops and I playfully joke. "Choke on a bag of dicks Craig." To which he smiles and replies back with a wicked grin. "Gladly~" we all turn to face him, shocked. Not only did this mother f*cker smile, he smirked! And, he totally got all of us that time.
I shake my head and reply back playfully. "I'm disappointed in you son." To which he pretends to be upset and jokes back, "aw, sh*t." We all chuckle a bit and move on from it. Craig looks up from his phone and as his eyes gall on his flour covered boyfriend he groans. He pulls tweek over by his sleeve and tweek makes a weird jittery noise. We've grown used to tweek making such odd sounds, it doesn't surprise us anymore. As Craig wipes the flour off tweeks face, while tweek is shaking like an earthquake because some idiot probably let him drink too much coffee again, I walk over to Heidi. She's mixing the chocolatey mix in a bowl and I cannot help but wonder what it is. I didn't know she could bake, I knew she could cook because whenever she crashes at my house she makes us dinner, she says it's good practice for her cooking classes at school. I don't care though, I'll eat whatever Heidi cooks because it always tastes f*cking amazing.
I tap her shoulder, trying to peer over it as I ask. "What ya got there?" She chuckles and replies with a cheeky grin, "brownies, the good kind.", I nod. I'm usually not a brownies person, because the texture gives me the ick, but Heidi has never failed to make the best brownies. "Sounds f*cking fabulous." I reply with a giggle. I try stick my finger in the batter but Heidi swiftly smacks my finger with the spatula, spitting back like some sort of angry mother. "EH! I saw that hoe! No test tasting unless you want to be stuck babysitting those two during movie night next week!" Craig and tweek both gasp, turning to face us. Its hilarious seeing tweek turn to glare at us because his face is still half covered in flour and because Craig is trying to rub it off with a damp cloth it looks even worse than before. "What the hell?!" Craig retorts. Heidi bites her lip, trying not to laugh as she replies, trying to stay cool. "It's nothing, it's just.. you sometimes get carried away..-" She then coughs and speed mumbles under her breath, "-and you end up making out and shoving me and kaz off the couch onto the floor by accident every time.." tweek tilts his head.. I think? I can't tell if he's twitching or tilting his head.. regardless he sashes back. "Trust me, it's not on accident." Heidi raises an eyebrow and goes over to argue and bicker with the lovely little gay couple. I shrug, I don't honestly give two sh*ts. To be honest, I'm taking this as my chance to taste test the brownies without getting smacked by Heidi.
Alas, just as I was about to stick in a small spoon.. there's a knock at the door.. and I know exactly who this is. I get excited and drop the little spoon back onto the counter, running out of the kitchen and down the hall. Leaving Heidi to continue being a dumbass with Craig and tweek. As I grab my keys and unlock the door, I open it to see....
Chapter 8: Blackhole
Chapter Text
chapter 8 - blackhole
Kenny McCormick. A close friend and buddy of mine. We don't often hang out a lot, but when we do we get wild. I met Kenny a couple years ago, I agreed to babysit his little sister Karen for him for free because his family is quiet poor and we made a good deal. In return for minding Karen he agreed to teach me guitar, and so that just became our norm. I'd mind Karen whenever his parents were fighting or out of town, or whenever he and his older brother Christopher were busy at work, and during recess we'd meet in the music room and he'd teach me how to play guitar. We quickly became friends, turns out we had a lot in common, plus, he loved being friends with a girl. He got to test all his corny pick up lines and practice all his 'rizz'.. what a dork. Although I found it endearing and couldn't help but slightly fall for Kenny.
He's a couple months older than me.. everyone in my class is. I'm the youngest, I'm the only one who's still 15, although I turn 16 next week and I'm incredibly excited. He has a long shaggy dirty blond mullet, I like to think it reminds me of link from all the zelda games.. especially when he let's me put it in a small ponytail without having to wrestle and attack eachother. He's missing a tooth or two because he's constantly getting into dangerous accidents and almost dying.. I could've swore I remembered attending his funeral.. a few times actually.. but that must just be my faulty memory. Kenny? Die? Noooo. That's stupid. Ahhaaahahhahaga. ( >:[ ) nevertheless, he has bright blue eyes, the same colour as a day sky. And when the light reflects in them it looks like passing clouds, maybe thats why i feel so safe around him? Because hes like the morning sky.. he's the opposite of the midnight I've grown so scared of.. that particular witching hour i hate. I feel like his eyes could be like a river, and if I peer into them I might just see my glowing reflection in the ripples. The soft dimples on his cheeks, his fair light skin which is littered in healed scars. Sometimes in the summer he gets a farmers tan from working a part time job in the broad daylight. He's a hard worker, and I admire how willing he is to work so hard just to put food on the table for his siblings. I often slip him some of our food whenever I can, or if I have spare clothes or bed clothes I always give them to him. It's kind of cute seeing his little sister Karen wear my old dresses.. it always melts my heart.
Kenny comes in, smelling strongly of a mix of cheap sh*tty cologne and a hint of weed like he always does. The smell of weed is bitter.. it kind of smells like cat piss.. or celery. I dislike the smell, but Kenny seems to rock it. Mostly because his shower doesn't work properly sometimes.. but oh well. I invite him in and he seems very cheerful about something, who knows, I can rarely understand what he says wearing his iconic orange parka. He always keeps the hood up, and when he rarely does take it off he goes all quiet. I've hears a rumour from Kyle that apparently his voice is really high pitched and squeaky.. hence why he keeps his hood up and doesn't talk without it. It would make sense I guess.. but I don't picture him as that kind of guy. My gut tells me Kyle's wrong.. I just can't bring myself to say no to his face because I always end up stuttering and losing my cool around him, it's hard to deny him.. he could hot pour soup in my lap and I'd say sorry to him.. he could ask me to bring peace to Cuba and I'd say yes (even when I know I most definitely cant) just because he asked me to. (And because he always brags about how doable it is because he did it once.. although I know he's just joking... right?)
Kenny walks in shimmying and dancing.. I think he's under the influence right now. He usually is. The question is never 'is he under the influence?' Its, 'what is he under the influence of?'.. my guess is probably just some cheap sh*tty whiskey, since that's what his breath smells like right now. He's chuckling and hiccuping under his hood as he grooves into my kitchen, if you didn't know Kenny you'd assume he was the happiest man in the world from seeing him right now. He has a large toothy grin, half covered by the hood of his sun coloured parka, and his dimples excentuate his smile tenfold. When he enters the room, Heidi stops bickering with tweek and Craig. They all turn to face him as they throw their arms in the air and rush over to him to give him quite possibly the biggest group hug.. although it ends with Kenny getting knocked onto the floor and dog piled. I laugh, leaning against the doorframe as I watch a drunk Kenny try understand what the f*ck is happening right now. I roll my eyes playfully and drag them off Kenny one by one, forcefully, because they're all too lazy to get up.
Kenny gets up and sees the brownie mix in the bowl on the kitchen counter.. he walks over and seems to rifle through the pockets in his parka.. I shrug it off and turn my back to the others.
Time seems to fly. I could've swore it had been 2 minutes but apparently its been almost 30. Heidi takes her brownies out of the oven, using the blue oven mitts she found on the counter to take them out so as not to burn her hands. Then she places them on the cooling rack. The smell wafts and drifts across my entire house.. the smell of warm f*cking brownies.. (goddamn.. I'm hungry now..) Its not worth burning my tongue tho.. that would sting. We all know that. So we wait. Sat at the kitchen island as we chat, all side eyeing the brownies while we wait for them to cool enough to not burn our mouths. Tweek is shaking and twitching as per usual while he talks with Craig, Craig looks as bored and monotone as ever, making simple chat with his boyfriend back. Heidi is texting her boyfriend.. because Eric is being annoying yet again to no surprise.. and Kenny and I are having a lovely conversation. I can't understand half of what he's saying.. normally I can't, but it's even harder to tell what he's saying under his hood when he's slurring his words drunkly. He's clearly had more to drink than I initially thought.
Until eventually it happens. Almost like some sort of thriller horror film where the killer sneaks up on the victim and stabs the absolute sh*t out of them.. or a nature documentary where the lion hunts down the gazelle and pounces upon it, attacking it and fighting the other carnivorous creatures to get as much of the gazelle as it can for survival. Except its brownies. Maybe its worse? After all.. we all seem to get murderous when we fight for them. We all rush up to them, trying to knock eavhother over.. even the lovey dovey creek couple are at eachothers throats trying to get there first. It's competitive. I get the first one and grab it, firmly. Taking a large bite, it crunches slightly and then melts in my mouth on my tongue. The chocolate oozes across my mouth as I chew the chewy soft texture. God f*cking damn Heidi can cook. Its a little off.. and something tastes slightly wrong.. but I don't think twice about it, too busy shoving it in my face.. addicted almost.
And next thing I know.. almost an hour later.. as we were all sat on the couch squished up together because the couch is small, it all felt like the room was moving.. oh f*ck.. it doesn't stop.. like a sea, it rocks back and forth.. and it's colourful.. what the actual f*ck did Heidi pit in those god f*cking damn brownies?!
Ultimately.. I end up lying on the floor, stoned and high.. laying on my back and stating at the ceiling so I don't keep thinking I'm falling or tripping.. although, to be honest, this is the trippiest sh*t I've ever seen I'm my entire life. This must be how Kenny feels when he gets high..and then I realise it was Kenny. THAT f*ckER. he clearly spiked the f*cking brownie mix. That devil. I'll have words with him later, add it to my list of things to do later. What's on the list you might ask? 1. Tell Stan to go screw himself. 2. Tattle on Stan to Wendy for being pda with me even though he's her boyfriend. 3. Tell Kyle my feelings. 4. Scratch off number 3. 5. Cry because I'm still f*cking single.
What a nice list. I don't know if it was the drugs or my constant state of delulu.. because someone should have taken my phone off me..
I swipe open my phone, my face looks stoned and my mouth is slightly open, the kind of face you make when your putting on mascara and your mouth is slightly hanging open. Like that. And I scroll through my apps until I find Snapchat.. I think for a moment and tap on stans profile, texting him with no thought at all because my mind isn't there at all.
Y/n: hey asshole, just wanted to let you know your a f*cking tease!
Y/n: screw you!
Y/n: and for the record.. Wendy will hear about this by tomorrow morning!
It doesn't take long at all for his little icon to appear in the corner and start typing back viciously. Yet, a bicker is born in that moment.
Stan: y/n?! What the f*ck?!
Stan: What the f*ck are you telling Wendy?! Leave her alone you crazy bitch!
Y/n: uh, about you being so f*cking pda at my doorstop like an obsessed little perv!
Stan: WTF?!
stan: If you tell Wendy I'll make sure Kyle doesn't hang out with you anymore.
Y/n: if you tell Kyle any of your bullsh*t ill tell Wendy.
It seems we've somewhat reached a stalemate.. both of us with knives under the others throat.. delicately tracing the blade as a warning. Its a show of power. To see who won't puss* out. I never knew I got so confident when I was high. But alas, out of nowhere he pauses, then types back, questioning what I said earlier.
Stan: repost-> y/n: hey asshole, just wanted to let you know your a f*cking tease!
Stan: what's this supposed to mean y/n?
Stan: you after catching feels??
I can already imagine the sarcasm in his voice, I can imagine his smug smirk, I can imagine his husky voice saying it and I groan. I immediately delete the original message and text back.
Y/n: don't know what your talking bout.
Stan: you literally just deleted it, don't play dumb with me.
Y/n: you must be talking bullsh*t, cuz I don't speak your language.
Stan: y/n.
Stan: answer me.
Y/n: or what bitch boy?
Y/n: what ya gonna do about it?
.....
His icon pauses for a moment. Clearly a long text.. or so I thought.. he replies back.
Stan: your mom.
And here I was expecting some savage come back.. eww. I swipe off his contact, watching Mt notifications go off as I ghost him. Swiping into Wendy's contact instead now.
Kaz: hey girlie! It's me..
Wendy: heyyy
Y/n: I wanted to let you know.. stan was acting really pda with me earlier and you deserve to know. Your too good for him!I hate Wendy.. but god do I know how to persuade people and warp an argument to favour my side. Plus, I like to think I'm doing her a favour. They've gotten back together hundreds of times, I'm helping end it for good hopefully. Maybe this will make her hate me less.Wendy: oh my god! I knew he was a no good cheat! That douche!Wendy: I'm gonna kill him tomorrow morning on the bus!Wendy: thanks for telling me, let me know if he does any other stupid bullsh*t. Thanks gurlfriend, gtg.Y/n: kk! <3Wendy: <3I already know she's going to be on a giant group call with all her girl friends consoling her as she cries dramatically. Uhhhhh. Ew. Next thing I know.. Stan texts me..Stan: YOU BITCH!stan: SHE DUMPED ME BECAUSE OF YOU!Y/n: f*ck off dunce face, leave me out of this. It ain't my problem your unfaithful.Stan: your gonna pay for this y/n.. say goodbye to Kyle while you can..sh*t. I forgot about that. f*ck..... I'm soooo screwed. He'll understand, right?He'll understand though... right?... right?
Chapter 9: Solar eclipse
Chapter Text
chapter 9 - Solar eclipse
I wake up on the kitchen island. What. The. Actual. f*ck. Happened. I clearly had a fun time last night, I can tell by my splitting headache and the fact I woke up with wild hair. God, this is why I don't like partying, I'm always a mess in the morning. I get up, sliding myself off the countertop surface to stand on my face, leaning against my fridge for support as I look around desperately for my phone. I need to know the time, I'm gonna be late for school, I have an important test today in science.. who am I kidding, I'm not going to school like this, I've probably still got that sh*t from the brownies in my bloodstream and in my system. I should give it 24 hours.. just incase. Safety first I guess.. or a better excuse for a lie in. Yes.
I pick up my phone from off the counter, slipping my finger over the button and letting it turn on. My phone is almost dead, I should probably charge it, but first I gotta check some things. 1. The time, 2. Make sure I didn't post or text anything dumb, 3. Make sure I didn't accidentally fall for a scam email while high, 4. Clear my search history for the a millionth time this month just in case. As I open my phone, My screen with the dim light from power saving mode and the screen saver of me and Heidi's iconic selfie, I realise that is the first night I've slept without my horrific nightmares in what only seems like ages. No blood, no tears, no reflections of my past and future staring back at myself trying to make me cry as I drown in my own blood and tears.. no dreadful night sky full of twisting everlong twilight and malice.. and certainly no pale beige bathroom. No dusty off white tiles on the cold freezing icy floor. No porcelain sink. No striking gaze piercing into my own, like an arrow being shot by the archer of my mind, shot into my mind and disrupting my thoughts and dreams only to gift a sense of dread and fear. I never will understand it.. Will I? Am I foreshadowing or forewarning myself in those dreams.. or am I scared? Ultimately.. or more importantly.. of what? I think I'm frightened about even the thought of being frightened. Maybe I'm just easy to spook.. aren't we all?
'f*ck', I can't help but mutter in my mind as I realise I totally broke almost all of the things on my list.. how the f*ck did I manage that? Gosh darn it. My Snapchat has absolutely exploded overnight.. I have 7 texts from Wendy, an unopened snap from Kyle along with 4 messages and a missed call, 6 missed calls and 13 messages from Stan.. and all of Wendy's bitchy girl friends have added me to try get gossip about what happened. Is this how celebrities feel? It's incredibly overwhelming, part of me wants to curl up in a ball on the floor and grasp my hair by the roots in my fists, tight and snug as I yank and cry. Rocking back and forth as I gasp for breathe and try not to choke on my own tears. To let my nails dig into my raw skin and cut deep, leaving small crescent shaped scars and scratches in drab long lines. I've always hated the sight of blood, it makes me feel faint and uneasy.. yet for some reason I love horror films. I'm odd I guess.. but I've mostly come to terms with that. I take a deep breath and decide I'm going to be strong today, opening the first message. I'm going to start with Wendy. *deep breathe in, deep breathe out*! 'I can do this!'
Wendy:Hey n/n!
Wendy:It's me again! Wendy!!
Wendy: wanted to talk realllll quick :/
Wendy: look, I broke up with Stan, k?
Wendy: I wanted to let you know, because I'm like, totally blessed to have such a good friend like you
Wendy: thanks for telling me n/n :3
Wendy: oh, and do me a favour, next time he comes up to you, punch him for me if I don't first. Any hoo, thanks biatch Xx
My first thoughts after reading this are, 'Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope! I can't do this sh*t!'. I stare up at my ceiling as I breathe and inhale sharply. f*ckkkk. I needed that. I look back down at my cold dying phone, with the scrappy looking scratched screen, and think. I know Wendy doesn't think we're friends, she's trying to play me. I'll leave her on read, I decide. I'll talk it out with her in person, that way I can just talk in a group without having to repeat myself several times in several different chats.
I inhale again, preparing myself mentally. I decide to get Stan out of the way next.. even if I don't want to. Because Kyle will have sent me supporting messages and if I read them last it will lift my spirits and I'll feel a bit better. Kyle always knows how to mend my heart, that's why I trust him with my heart. I breathe slowly as I click on stans contact, reading slowly.
Stan: you bitch..
Stan: I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL WENDY DIDNT I AND WHAT DID YOU DO?!?!
stan: YOU f*ckING TOLD HER!!
stan: I swear to christ y/n..
Stan: this is exactly why nobody loves you, and why I will never ever trust you around Kyle..
Stan: he's too good for you y/n
Stan: your nothing without your little group of sidekicks.. your a fake poser!
Stan: I hope you know how bad you messed up,
Stan: since you ruined my happiness I'm gonna ruin yours.. you kept your side of the deal bitch, so I will too
Stan: I told you to say goodbye to Kyle, whor*..
Stan: I hope you choke in your sleep
Stan: If you tell Kyle anything, I'll make things worse.. stay away from him, if I see you near him I'll make your life hell y/n. That's a promise I'm gonna keep.
f*ckkkk. I was not ready for that in the slightest. Tears seem to well up in my eyes slightly, making them glossy and sore. 'I have to stay strong..' I tell myself. I breathe in and out deeply. Mentally preparing myself. I breathe out and remember Kyle messaged me too. I get hopeful again, knowing my spirits will immediately be lifted in no less than a moments time. I swiftly open his messages only to be taken aback and gobsmacked. The snap he sent me is a picture of him studying, a half assed selfie someone else took, perhaps Stan? Whatever the case, the caption is, 'hate studying alone'. Which means one of two things, either he misses me or he's with somebody else right now.. which would explain the fact someone else took the photo. I'm scared its the latter. His messages read..
Kyle: hey n/n..
Kyle: I heard what you did, Stan told me..
Kyle: I know you probably have good reason, but it's still quite brutal for you to do that to poor Stan..
Kyle: I know were great friends, but I'd appreciate some time apart so I can comfort Stan and perhaps evaluate our friendship.. sorry.
That broke me. I felt my heart break unto two in a matter of moments.. as if my world just exploded and shattered into a million little pieces.
'Evaluate our friendship' is what ultimately ended me..
Chapter 10: Big bang
Chapter Text
chapter 10 - Big bang
I guess time must of flew, because when I checked the time it was lunch. I sigh and dry my eyes, trying to be strong. I slip my phone onto the kitchen counter and take a strong inhale of air.. a long deep breathe. I can feel it in my bones. I then hear the nasally monotonous voice I know all too well, and the nervous ticking of the infamous coffee addicted boyfriend with him. "Who?" Is all Craig mutters. He looks displeased, more so then usual. I look down at my feet and mumble quietly back, "the trio.. Stan, Wendy and Kyle.."
Tweek raises an eyebrow and asks as he sips some coffee I didn't even notice he had until now, "wait- *twitching*- Kyle?! *eek*!! Didn't you say y-you liked him?", I nod back. "Yeah.. but he's after getting involved in all the bullsh*t because of Stan..". I groan and rub the bridge of my nose, leaning against a wall as Craig asks, as if interrogating me like a curious and protective father. Like the father I never got. "What the f*ck did Stan do now?!"
He slams his fists on the kitchen counter and I walk over, putting my hands on the counter from my side. I lean on it and reply back, sounding upset. "You already know how I ignore Stan, but yesterday he got really upset and petty, he threatened to break my friendship with Kyle. Then he brought me home since Kyle couldn't.. but Stan was off yesterday, when we were in private. He got kinda flirty, so I told Wendy and she broke up with him for the hundredth time because its kinda cheaty behaviour.."
I pause for a breath and add.
"So when Stans heart got broken for the millionth time he decided to get petty and told Kyle some sort of lie.. now Kyle won't talk to me, all of Wendy's girl group are on my tail trying to get gossip and Stan is being really irritating..". Tweek rolls his eyes and replies. "Look, Stan is being an asshole, *eek*!! But, w-wendy didn't have to b-break up with him, he didn't do anything wrong!".. Craig turns 180 degrees like some sort of owl.. staring at Craig and awkwardly fake chuckling as he replies back to his loving boyfriend. "Your so funny honey, of course Wendy HAD to break up with him.. he was flirting with another girl! That's cheating! Plus, Stan is only getting even, it's totally called for." Tweek eyebrows seem to knit together in a puzzled expression as he argues back, not shaking as much as before now. "Oh. My. God. He wasn't cheating! He was just being friendly and No! He had no reason to do that to poor n/n! That's just inhuman! He split up n/n and Kyle! Are you saying it's OK to break up friendships for pettiness?!" Craig just retorts with more livid yelling. "Are you saying it's OK to cheat?! Are you saying he can't get even with her?! Because that's what it sounds like right now!"
The two are completely at each others throats yelling back and forth and slamming fists on my freshly cleaned kitchen countertop.. I just cleaned that last night after Heidi spilled brownies batter all over it accidentally.. God damnit. I sigh, feeling uncomfortable watching, but also too uncomfortable to leave or move. I'm frozen. They both seem to have different ideologies here.. Craig is scared tweek thinks it's OK to cheat, or that he may have already done so.. and tweek is pissed that his boyfriend thinks he has to always get revenge to get even, he thinks he may have done that to him perhaps at one point or that he might do it to him some day.
In a matter of moments and lots of yelling, they both snap and yell simultaneously, "Fine! Maybe we're better off apart!" To which they both grit their teeth and walk off out opposite doors of my kitchen. I couldn't comprehend it at first..THE perfect couple just broke up.. the world might as well end.. if they can't make it work, nobody can.. What. The. f*ck.
I grab my keys and my phone, running in to my living room. I NEED to tell Heidi and Kenny what just happened, we NEED to help them ration this out and fix this. I run in and drop my phone and my keys on the chaise. I then dash over to Heidi and shake the mother f*cking sh*t out of her. She startles awake with wide eyes full of panic and stricken with unease. I call to her in alarm and trepidation, "HEIDI! OH MY f*ckING GOD! IT HAPPENED, IT HAPPENED! ITS A CODE RED!" I'm practically almost in tears again. She quickly sits up, her long braid in her ashy coloured hair falls down cascading down her shoulder smoothly. She seems to know instantly what I'm talking about, her jaw drops and she covers it with her hand as she mutters in almost whispers. "No.. it couldn't have.. I thought it was only theoretical y/n.. your not saying.." she pauses and gulps, almost scared of saying it. Kenny stirs in his sleep and stretches as he asks, "what? What happened? What theory?" We both turn to Kenny and mutter back in horror. "Craig and tweek broke up.. creek is over.." Kenny goes pale. He seems to understand the direness of the situation.. it might as well be the apocalypse. "No way dude.." Kenny mutters through his parka again. He seems gobsmacked.. we all are.
When we next contacted them both, tweek was with Stan, and Craig with Kyle.. they seemed to pick sides with eachothers enemy's.. we have no clue what to expect because we always thought it was impossible and completely theoretical.. but we might as well expect world war 3 at this point.
Chapter 11: Lunar eclipse part one
Notes:
This will be a two parter :3
Chapter Text
chapter 11 - lunar eclipse part one
Ultimately, y/n has one too many problems in her life right now.. the boy she likes hates her, his stupid best friend is being a douche, the stupid popular bitch is being annoying and problematic, her best friends boyfriend is a total dick.. and the best couple in the world has just broke up and she feels torn between sides of her friends.. the only people not causing her troubles are her best friend and a buddy of hers..
Y/n was left with Kenny that evening, alone in her house because Heidi was going on some sh*tty date that she begged her boyfriend for months for. It was at a KFC.. I am praying he doesn't end up breaking that poor girls heart, she's given up everything for him.
Kenny tried to console me earlier.. saying nice things and being sweet in general.. but I can't understand a single word he says with that stupid parka muffling his speech. I've sort of grown to understand what he says from his body language, almost kind of like sign language.. but I just cannot today. My mind is at war with itself and I can feel it being split down the middle and ripped apart almost. I can't understand literally anything Kenny is saying or doing today.. I have absolutely no clue.. I might as well be blind folded with noise cancelling headphones and tied to a chair.. literally no clue whatsoever.
I sigh, it's late now.. we're sat in my dark living room. Kenny's stretched out laying across the couch, and I'm unfurled lying on the old blue chaise lounge. Propping my head up with my elbow, holding my head in my hand as I watch the movie Kenny put on. Its his favourite film, mean girls, I have no f*cking clue why he's so addicted to it. Its literally a chick flick.. then again, no judgement. Its probably because of his sister.. or that blonde girl bebe he used to shag behind the bike shed.. it sounds like a bebe thing honestly.
I can hear Kenny muttering along, I don't know what he's talking about. Literally. He could be quoting the movie, or perhaps explaining cool facts from the behind the scenes.. he could be talking about the mean blonde girl.. bebe, not Regina George. Although bebe might as well be, she's a snake just like her.
I give up. Life is just too f*cking difficult today... I breath in and lie back on the chaise lounge.. curling up on it like a cat. I tilt my head tiredly and just watch Kenny, who's sat across from me. He's probably smiling as normal, I can't tell because he has the parka hood up right now. I hate when he has his hood up, he has such an endearing smile, even when he's missing a tooth or two. Kenny seems to notice and turn to face me instead of the movie, tilting his head back. The only light in the entire house that is on right now is the tv.. the dim cold blue light sends shivers down my spine and gives me cold sweat down my back. I roll my shoulders and swallow, trying to ease myself and clear my throat. I'm too tired to smile, and honestly after the terrible day i just had, i dont want to. I dont feel like smiling in the slighest, my face is stern and tired. I just mumble, as casual as one can be. "Can you take your hood down.. please?"
I look down at the floor and pause, before finally bringing myself to look back up again and add. "For little old me?" My voice is soft.. delicate and persuading.
We both sit there for a moment. I lie there, with my head in my arms as I lie across the chaise. The soft velvety blue fabric caresses my skin.. we're both just wearing pajamas.. of course we're the kind of people who don't wear typical pajamas though. I wear shorts and band tshirts.. and Kenny wears those iconic plaid red pajama pants with his orange parka.
He slowly pulls down his hood, I smile tiredly. He has these small scars.. or scratches almost, all across his face. I've seen his face before, many a time. But it's still rare to see him like this. I think it means he trusts me, because from what I've heard I'm the only one he willingly shows his face to when asked. That kind of makes me feel special.. it a nice feeling.. I feel warm inside.
Almost as if we both magically read eachothers minds, I move to sit on the chaise instead of lying on it, and Kenny gets up and walks over to sit next to me. We sit criss cross applesauce, like little kids, and I gently run my fingers through his hair. I've always had a thing for playing with people's hair, I can't really help myself. I start absent mindedly braiding his hair, as we both sit together across from eachother. Face to face.
Even though its dark out, I feel safe around him, knowing he would never let me be kidnapped by the torturous twilight that is the midnight sky. He knows I have a fear of the night and the dark.. and perhaps thats why he mumbled quietly to me. "Your not scared are you?".. checking on me so sweetly, its definitely the first time I heard his actual voice. Normally he stays quiet.. as silent as a mouse when his hood is down, and full of half unintelligible speech when his hood is up. His voice is velvety, like the chaise, and thin.. airy almost, but not in the cold way. His breathe is warming, and I can feel it slither up my skin. I feel like I'm melting, and I can already tell my face is flushed. Neither of us are watching the movie, that's for sure.. we're both focused on each other, completely abandoning the film. We've both seen it hundreds of times anyway, we already know exactly how it goes. But how does this go?
I shake my head slowly, not bringing myself to make eye contact, feeling in denial. Surely this couldn't be real, I must be over exaggerating it, he would never do this. Why would he like me? He has that hot blonde bimbo bitch at school he can get lucky with whenever he wants. I'm nothing compared to her.
When I don't answer, and when I look away off at the distance.. staring at the floor.. his eyebrows twitch for a second and his hand swiftly moves up and glides across my chin. Sliding my chin to face him and look up at him. He repeats the question again, his nose almost touching mine. "Your not scared, are you?" I seem to get flustered, nobody's ever done this to me, god no. I stutter for a moment and mumble back trying to stare somewhere other than his eyes. "U-uhhhm, n-no.. n-no! I'm f-fine.." He let's go of my chin and tilts his head, which allows me to stare at the floor again and rub my arm anxiously as my face heats up. He chuckles quietly and whispers back. "Your all red! Awww, how cute!" Normally kennys flirting doesn't get to me, but he's never done it like this before.. normally there is always an undertone of humour in it.. but I can tell he's being completely serious right now.
My mouth drops open slightly and I stutter, not able to form coherent words or sentences, too mesmerised in his smooth skills and flustered. I can't think clearly. He giggles, and god does it sound cute. He has such light hearted and bubbly laughter, it seems to just erupt out of him. He leans in slightly, with body hands on either side of me, pinned to the chaise lounge almost. He whispers with a charming smirk, almost too enthusiastically. "Your stuttering a lot, cat got your tongue?" I can only mumble back, my heart beating out of my chest a million miles per minute as I do. "Y-yeah.." And then a gulp, and a, "s-sorry!"
He giggles again. God. I could get used to that. It might even sound better than Kyle's laugh, it's almost twice as addicting to hear. He leans in slightly, he knows if I was uncomfortable I would have said so or pushed him off, he knows I don't mind. He whispers in my ear. In the huskiest smooth voice ever, "why don't I help you there with your little tongue twister~?" I go red. I had ever only read about these things off the Internet off silly websites like wattpad or Ao3.. but I'm probably the only one who read those anymore. (BREAKING THE 4TH WALL!) I can feel my breath physically speed up. My voice gets caught and I can't bring myself to say anything, but I slowly trail my hands up kennys arms and ever so gradually snake my arms up until they wrap around his neck, pulling him closer ever so slowly but surely.
He seems to understand. I seem to understand. For the first time in probably the last 24 hours I'm completely on the same page as someone and I'm being completely raw and real with them.
Kennys hands slip around my waist, and he moves over me, pinning me down to the chaise lounge delicately. As if my body was glass, or perhaps I was a porcelain doll he was afraid to clasp too tight for fear of my heart completely shattering into millions of little unfixable pieces. And then he drifts his head in, our noses touching, his forehead pressed against mine as he whispers. Almost hungrily. "N/n... can I kiss you?" I nod, and I can feel his grip on my waist tighten slightly, giving a firm squeeze as his collide against mine. They lock together, and then break apart. Those precious few seconds will I stick with me for years. My first kiss.
Heidi comes trudging in through the front door in a fit of rage and Kenny and I are forced to swiftly shove ourselves off eachother and scramble to sit away from eachother. What the f*ck just happened.. oh my god.
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