In the end is the little things that give them up. The little things are also the reason why they are together in the first place, the reason why they work together so well and the reason they love each other.
Marriage is about big things, like love and commitment, but those big things are impossible without the small things, like the smell of coffee in the morning, kisses under the rain, 3AM conversations, ‘I love you’ texts and taking out the trash together. Life is made of tiny moments, and their lives are made up of tiny moments together. Things that most people would call inconsequential, until you happened to have a love like theirs. Tiny and huge at the same time.
Those little, almost imperceptible things make everything else seem easier.
It was hard enough hearing about the collision knowing your husband could potentially be in that exact train. And he wasn’t even answering Will’s messages. It was even worse seeing him roll into the ED on top of a patient doing chest compressions and not being able to run to his side and check if the blood on him was his own or someone else’s. Will felt his heart freeze for a few seconds.
But he stood to the side hating that Connor insisted on taking the train instead of sharing a car. Not the first day, he had said, it would be too obvious. Suddenly Will cared very little about obvious or not. He started to care even less when he overheard Nurse Doris commenting about Doctor Rhodes’s tattoos, in full display as the man stitched himself up. There was something awful crawling under Will’s skin.
“You know we have very capable doctors in this place that might be able to help,” he said, not being able to stay away from his husband. Luckily Connor’s back was turned to the ED, oblivious to the stares he was getting. Everyone would’ve seen the look he gave to Will otherwise, which would not be a very good thing at all.
“Hold this down please,” he instructed instead, voice dropping to a whisper.
Will looked around.
“You scared me,” he said, seeing that while a lot of people were watching his shirtless husband, no one was close enough to hear them. Connor looked up from the stitches.
“I’m fine sweetheart, it’s all good,” his voice was almost enough to soothe Will’s anxiety.
“This is not how I imagined your first day,” he said, concentrating on being as helpful as possible so that Connor could tie off the stitches.
“Yeah well, neither did I,” Connor laughed drily. Will’s heart was still trying to beat out of his chest though, and he wondered if there were any other wounds his husband had put off from treating in order to attend to patients first.
Connor probably sensed this, saw it in his eyes or something, “I’m fine Will, I swear-” it was the voice he used when Will was trying to convince him to go to bed when he was too enthralled by some new study or scientific paper, “-you know I’d tell you if I wasn’t,” he said, cutting the thread and looking up at Will. His face was a lot more closed off than how he was used to seeing it, a lot less feeling evident in his features. They were in public.
Many years ago Will wouldn’t have taken Connor’s word for it, wouldn’t have trusted his judgement to tell when he was okay or not. Now though, many things had changed. They had matching rings that were a promise to themselves and each other, there were many years of hardships they had faced together and a mutual agreement of love and companionship, for the rest of their lives.
Then there were the small things too. Like the cold touch of silver against their chests and the way the sun filtered through the curtains in their apartment, those were also promises.
“I know,” Will said then. He tried to hide all emotions, feeling them bubbling up so close to the surface.
“Thank you Doctor Halstead,” Connor said, smirking only for him to see.
It was Will who needed to leave, so he did, “Not a problem Doctor Rhodes.”
There were patients who were waiting for him.
It took no more than an hour for them to immediately butt heads. It was inevitable, but neither of them were ready for the heated arguments that resulted from their medical disagreements.
There was something therapeutic to it, in a way. They were arguments in which their private lives didn’t matter, arguments that could be enclosed to the hospital. The focus was in providing patients with the best care possible. They had gotten really good at arguing, because it only meant that the kisses would taste that much better afterwards. But this was different, it was not a married couple’s dispute, although some might say it looked an awful lot like one, but to them it meant separating home life and work life.
By the end of the day Natalie was worried the two of them wouldn’t be able to work together long term and Maggie had already made a mental note to avoid appointing them to the same patient in the future.
They weren’t vicious fights, everyone in the medical field argued. Most people in the medical field thought they were the smartest person in the room. In a room full of medical staff it was easy to see how that could become a problem. But the ED was a complicated and fragile thing. Having doctors play nicely with each other was a top priority in Maggie’s list.
“I didn’t think it’d be this hard,” Will said, thinking about the past day.
There were empty containers of sushi on the table and a new stain of soy sauce on Will’s shirt.
“It’s not every day that you get a train collapse either,” Connor pointed out, leaning back on his chair. His husband nodded. “We are going to get better, and eventually we won’t need to hide anyway,” he reasoned.
“I know, you’re so wise,” the words had a teasing quality to them.
They had this talk many time before, about how it would be to work together and at the same time try to keep their marriage a secret for the first couple months. Just to avoid rumors on how people got offered what job, and also figure out if the work environment would be impacted by them being out.
“Oh shut up, I can tell when you’re being condescending,” Connor rolled his eyes, balling a piece of paper and throwing it at his husband who gasped in mock horror.
“Rude.”
Connor tutted, pretending to think, “not the same thing you told me this morning, if I recall.” He was still leaning on the chair, hands on his thighs and a look so intense Will felt instantly hot all over.
“Hmm, don’t recall,” he was fooling no one. Especially not his husband.
“Lies, lies,” Connor said with an easy smile, “might have to remind you later.”
Will was leaning on the table, raising an eyebrow.
“Why not now?” he asked, testing his luck no doubt.
“Game’s on now, later,” was the last thing Connor said before standing up and leaving for the sofa, turning on the game on the TV. Will groaned.
“Nat thinks I hate you.” The sofa was criminally soft and comfortable. The glass of wine Will had earlier hadn’t helped either, he was halfway asleep already.
Connor was still watching the game, glass of wine half full on the coffee table. Will’s full weight leaning on him as he combed steady fingers through soft ginger hair. That was also not helping Will’s sleepy state. But finding himself in his husband’s arms reminded him of the past day, feeling his heart stop when he saw Connor arriving in the ambulance all covered in blood. He remembered the rest the looks Nat was giving him every time he interacted with Connor. She was almost warning him to behave, like a little kid.
“Really?” Connor moved his head, looking down at his sleepy partner.
“I think so, she told me I was being too mean,” Will laughed a little at the thought, “was I too mean?” Doubt started creeping up on him.
“No,” Connor reassured him, fingers finding and soothing the worry lines on Will’s face, “we were just discussing patient care, it felt very normal.”
It had been very normal. They disagreed about a decision and proceeded to discuss why their opinions were correct and the other was wrong.
“Are we toxic?” Will thought, but then realized he had said it out loud.
Connor laughed a little, petting his hair patiently. His laugh immediately calmed Will’s restless mind.
“We are most definitely not, they’re just not used to doctors arguing. You are passionate about what you do sweetheart, I wouldn’t expect anything else,” Connor reassured him. Will knew perfectly well that his husband was also incredibly passionate about the patients under his care, why wouldn’t they butt heads if they disagreed?
“It is kind of funny that they think we don’t like each other,” Will admitted turning a little and nestling himself further into the warmth provided by his husband, “because I like you very much, you know?”
“I think I might have an idea,” the fondness in Connor’s voice had stopped taking Will by surprise years ago, but he still felt warmth spreading through him each time. He felt a kiss being pressed on his temple, then the top of his head. He was so gone for this man.
It got a lot easier to admit you were wrong when you’ve been married for years. It didn’t mean that the arguments had stopped. At all.
Ethan knew the two of them didn’t get along and had different opinions about a lot of things, especially when it came to patients. He hadn’t known Doctor Rhodes for a long time, it was only recently that he learned he was that kind of Rhodes in the first place. Which put many things into perspective. Especially why Will couldn’t stand him.
Their arguments were only ever about patients and medical opinions. Which was why hearing Will complain about Connor’s father didn’t feel right. And Will was digging in, not holding back at all. At some point Ethan wondered if he knew Cornelius Rhodes personally.
“Show off, he only cares about his f*cking image,” he was muttering to anyone who would listen, “do you really believe he cares about this hospital?” Will chucked darkly, clearly not believing it himself. Ethan could only shrug. It wasn’t really his place, and a million dollars were still a million dollars at the end of the day.
Contrary to what Ethan expected, Connor didn’t seem particularly thrilled at his father’s presence in the hospital either. But he didn’t say a word about it, instead choosing to pick fights with Will more often than usual. Which was when another weird thing happened.
“If you’re f*cking frustrated just say it, but this patient needs the scan and you being stubborn and a f*cking pain about it is not going to change it,” Connor Rhodes was never abrasive like that. Yes obstinate and insistent, but he never exploded. Apparently Will managed to get him over the edge.
But what had struck Ethan as strange was the personal insults he had dished at Will. He realized they never truly insulted each other before, it was only ever disagreements. He wasn’t sure what had made Connor’s usually level-temper explode like that.
Will didn’t look particularly different than usual. There was a frustrated frown that Ethan knew very well. It meant trouble. It meant Will was going to do as he pleased anyway, and usually it never ended up panning out for him.
Ethan hurried after Connor.
“Hey, Rhodes, wait up!” He just barely managed to catch the elevator doors.
“Doctor Choi?” the other doctor gave him a flat look followed by a sigh. They were alone in the elevator.
“Listen, I’m afraid Halstead might do something he’ll regret,” he said, Connor’s expression didn’t change at all, “I don’t know what that was about back there, you probably had your reasons, but I know that look and-”
“I know, Ethan,” Connor interrupted him, “he’s free to do as he pleases, and so am I.” There was a subtle smile playing on his lips. Ethan frowned.
“So you know he might be trouble?”
“Of course, it’s one of his talents after all,” at this Connor laughed, if Ethan didn’t know better he’d say it sounded like a fond laugh. But he knew better, and so it probably wasn’t. It very certainly wasn’t.
“Heard you and Rhodes got into it before,” Nat mentioned, tapping away at her tablet.
Will answered with some noncommittal sound, which could mean anything really.
“So? Heard he called you a pain in the ass,” she was almost laughing, Will could tell, “someone had to I guess.”
“Not you too,” he groaned, finally turning to look at her. Nat put her hands up, in mock innocence, still laughing.
“It’s fine Nat, he was right.”
At this Natalie raised her eyebrows. Was Will conceding? Against Rhodes?
“Are you… okay?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” He frowned, looking at her with confusion.
“I have never heard you say those words before,” she said holding back another laugh.
“Oh f*ck off, don’t you have patients to attend to?” He said turning around and leaving before she could say anything else. She wouldn’t have been able to say anything anyway, she was still laughing.
“I don’t understand why you get so unbearable when my dad is around,” Connor looked at Will who was sitting in the passenger seat next to him.
Will huffed, looking out of the window, “I don’t know, you were so annoyed when you heard about the donation and I know how he treated you and your mom and-” he sighed, sliding his hand into Connor’s, “I hate seeing the effect he has on you.”
Connor looked at him for a brief second, squeezing their linked hands.
“It’s cute that you get protective,” he said, “but you know you don’t need to deal with it, it’s my job to do that.”
“I know, that’s why I wasn’t dealing with it, I was just…”
“Brooding.”
Will blew out a breath, “wasn’t brooding!”
“You were, and it was cute but I’m not taking it back, you were a pain in the ass today,” Connor shrugged.
“I know,” Will deflated a little. He had felt like he needed to do something all day to help his husband deal with his dickhe*d of a father. Instead he only managed to be another burden for him to deal with.
“It’s okay sweetheart.” Connor said, voice calm. Will knew his husband wasn’t mad, but still he was mad at himself for not being able to keep his emotions under control.
“I’ll be the perfect husband tomorrow I swear, I won’t antagonize you, or anyone else.”
“Will, we both know that’s not true,” Connor’s tone was knowing, amused by the blatant lie. The mood shifted between them, getting lighter as they kept bickering back and forth.
“Well, I can be a perfect husband until we get to the hospital then,” Will pouted. Connor couldn’t look at him, concentrated as he was on the chaotic streets of Chicago. But he could picture the exact face he had seen a million times before.
“You always are,” he said instead, giving his hand another squeeze. Warmth settling in his chest like a blanket.
Will liked to cook. In particular he liked to cook for people. He especially loved to cook for Connor.
While Connor was the perfect human being - in his honest and completely unbiased opinion - he would starve before he stepped foot in the kitchen. Fortunately he had an almost infinite amount of money he could spend on takeaway and food delivery. But he felt even more fortunate for having married Will Halstead.
There was baked salmon with asparagus and a candle on the table setting the mood. He wasn’t sure what he had done to deserve this candlelit dinner, but he wasn’t going to complain.
“Will,” he called out, setting down his bag by the door. Something smelled heavenly and he only wanted to let himself fall on the chair with a homemade meal in front of him. He also desperately wanted to kiss the man responsible for this warm welcome.
Will was in full view. Their open kitchen was one of the only requests he had when they had started looking for a place in Chicago.
“Hey,” he was leaning lazily against the counter, clearly waiting for either the food to be done cooking, or Connor to get home. The faint ticking of a timer indicated that there was something still in the oven. He was truly a vision even in his house clothes, faded shirt and worn sweatpants.
“God, I love you,” Connor said, not caring where his jacket ended up and quickly making his way to his husband. He pressed closed, enveloping Will in his arms in a tight hug.
“Love you too,” came out the muffled response from Will, his face smushed against his husband’s shoulder, “I missed you.”
Connor raised his head while still avoiding putting unnecessary distance between them. His hands went up to cup Will’s face and the back of his head, and leaned in for a kiss. It was supposed to be a short sweet kiss, but clearly neither of them wanted that because it took no longer than a second for them to open and let their tongues slide against one another. Will groaned, feeling the push of Connor’s body against his.
The kisses slowed after a minute, in the end they were pecks and tired breathing. It was Will holding his husband with both arms around his waist.
“Long day?” he asked, fingers finding exposed skin between the edge of the shirt and the top of the pants.
“You could say so,” Connor sighed, letting go a little bit more, “two valve repairs back to back, had a scheduled transplant and another one that fell through.” Will hugged a little tighter.
“Will they make it?”
“We are still holding out hope,” he shrugged as best as he could while enveloped in his husband’s warmth.
This was the best part of the day, Connor knew. Holding Will close. It didn’t matter when or where that happened. In the morning when they didn’t need to rush to work, the stolen moments at the hospital when they managed to slip away for a few minutes, the evening walks, the coffee dates and the late night movies. The moments when he got Will to himself, when he had even just a couple seconds to breathe in the lingering scent of aftershave and coffee.
He loved the routine they had managed to build in Chicago, it felt a lot like home. He had been worried. Worried about his family, and the hospital, and moving to another city, the new co-workers and their marriage. He realized many of those things didn’t deserve his worry. On others he was still working to keep the anxiety down to minimum.
He had barely seen his sister, and the last time it hadn’t gone over very smoothly. She was mad about a lot of things, most of them justified. His father had said nothing to him since the day the wedding invite had reached his doorstep. And Connor didn’t see the situation changing in the near future. Especially not when he was still making power moves in the hospital Connor worked at, just to prove a point.
But for now he had Will, he would always have Will. He had great co-workers and Chicago was proving to be a good choice after all.
Will loved feeling his weeding band around his finger. He was always a little aware when it was there, a small pressure around his ring finger.
It was the reason why he usually took the time to switch it from the chain around his neck to his finger when he knew he had a couple days off. He knew Connor did the same, less religiously, but still just as heavy a significance.
They got married young, to some people, Will was barely 24 and he was so madly and deeply in love he couldn’t imagine not being married to Connor. It had been a small affair, their wedding, a couple med school friends and Will’s older brother. No church, no party, just a kiss to seal their marriage and an escapade to a remote cabin somewhere in the mountains, one of the many Rhodes properties his father had forgotten about. They swam in the frozen lake, naked and free, hiked around the green forests and made love in every surface available to them, lit up by the crackling flames in the fireplace. Rings catching the light every time.
Years later and the rings were still being polished regularly, their legs were always tangled when they slept, and their hands always found ways to reach out for each other.
This time in particular Will forgot about the ring. It had happened multiple times before. He had gotten distracted and forgot to place it back on the chain around his neck, the one he always wore anyway. The one Connor loved pulling with his teeth.
This time though April noticed. Or at least Will thought it might’ve been her, because they were working on a patient together, and he hadn’t even realized himself yet. But April hadn’t said anything, at least not to him.
He only realized when he was washing his hands and saw the metal against his skin. Shaking his head at himself he decided against placing it back on the chain. His shift was more than halfway done anyway, and people had never noticed before.
“Ah, so the gossip is true,” Maggie’s eyes were glittering, in a way Will had learned to be afraid of.
“What are you talking about Mags?” he asked, already tired.
She raised both eyebrows the moment Will looked back at her. Do you think I’m stupid? She was asking him silently.
“The ring, Halstead,” she said with a pointed look.
He was royally f*cked, he realized.
“What about it?” He feigned nonchalance. Hopefully she’d drop it.
“You tell me Will, something you need to share?” Yeah, no. Who was he kidding, Maggie never dropped a hot gossip even if her life depended on it.
“Not really Mags,” he said with a shrug and an overly polite smile. The tablet in his hands vibrated, letting him know the test results for his patient were back, “if you’ll excuse me I need to go tell Mr. Ferrer his liver is going to be okay,” he said, leaving her station without looking back.
He had f*cked up, big time.
Mr. Ferrer was being discharged shortly after, and Will felt his eyes starting to strain under the weight of his ten hour shift.
“Hey,” it was as soft as they would allow their voices to get when they were in the hospital, “looking tired there.”
A steaming cup of coffee was placed in his waiting hands. Connor’s fingers brushing his. A heartbeat and an exhale.
“Thank you,” Love you.
“Anytime,” Love you too.
“Do you think this means they might start working together nicely?” April whispered. Her eyes locked on the coffee in Will’s hands.
“Don’t get your hopes up, for all we know this is a one off,” Maggie answered, she was not looking though. Busy tapping on her phone.
Connor had already walked away with a coffee of his own. Nothing else to see.
“Just yesterday Rhodes told him he was being unprofessional because he divulged some information to another patient, or something like that.” Maggie didn’t know what had happened exactly and in the end didn’t care enough to. She didn’t want to know about protocol infringement. She didn’t want to know each time the two doctors found another reason to squabble about. In the end she always ended up knowing when it happened, they rarely kept it to themselves.
Although apparently Will was really good at keeping information to himself. Was he really married?
He had avoided answering her questions, but he had never denied anything either. Which only made Maggie more suspicious. Could it be?
It was a wild notion to contemplate. She had always been under the impression that Will had been carrying a torch for Natalie since they had met some months ago already. The ring…
It looked too much like a wedding band, and his answers had been dodgy at best. But she had never seen it before, she was sure Will didn’t usually wear it. Had he gotten married very recently? To who?
“Maggie?” her phone was beeping with an alert of an incoming trauma, just her luck that their trauma fellow had arrived at the perfect time.
“Doctor Rhodes, perfect timing!” she said, shaking herself out of her thoughts, “did you need anything?”
“You seemed lost in thoughts,” his smile was small but honest. How could Will hate this sweet guy?
“Nothing of importance, might tell you later after you take our new arrival to trauma four,” she winked and Connor laughed. Already speeding towards the ambulance bay.
“Can’t wait Maggie!” was the last thing he said before his professional mask took the place of the easy smile.
When Connor got back there was dinner on the table waiting for him and his husband resting on the armchair, legs up on the footrest.
“Hi Con,” he said, looking up from his tablet, where he was reading some new study.
“Hey,” he answered, taking in the comfortable scene. He went to his husband.
Will was clearly right out of the shower, hair still damp and the scent of their bodywash still lingering. Connor leaned in for a kiss, Will readily obliged, tilting his head upwards to meet his husband. Soft and easy, they parted.
“Thanks for dinner,” Connor said locking eyes.
“It’s just some pesto, the one we got at the farmer’s market,” Will answered, thumb tracing the line of his neck lovingly, “it’s really good.”
“I’m sure it is, but I have been thinking about you all day and-” Will shut him up with another kiss, needing no more encouragement than that. He had also been thinking about this all day. Sometimes it worked out just like that, easily.
His dexterous hand unbuttoning Connor’s shirt as his husband immediately tangled a hand on his wet curls. It was easy to fall into the kiss and the touch and the heavy breathing.
So easy that Connor found himself straddling his husband a few seconds later on the armchair. Their lips furiously working over each other’s, hands scrambling to remove as many clothing barriers between them as possible.
When they parted, chests heaving for air and something burning in their eyes, Connor smirked, looking down at a red-cheeked Will.
“You know? I heard the strangest rumor at work today,” he said, leaning down and worrying the skin on Will’s neck between his teeth.
“Oh yeah?” Will could only tangle his fingers in dark hair, pulling to maybe get even for the bruises he knew he’d be sporting on his neck. Connor mewled at that, looking back at him with dark eyes.
He nodded distractedly. It was all a show, Will knew.
“Maggie mentioned something about a ring? Will Halstead might be married, she said,” he couldn’t help himself, rutting against Will’s thigh, trying to get some
Will didn’t say anything, instead leaning in for another kiss, sucking Connor’s tongue into his mouth just to shut him up or make him grind harder or something, just something.
Then they were breathing into each others mouths and Connor had a hand down the front of his husband’s sweatpants and it was all so simple, to fall into this together.
“Please, Con,” Will begged so easily, so prettily. So unashamed. Connor felt it bury under his skin, the craze of a hard co*ck in his hand and breathless pleads, the immense love he held in his heart.
“So, what do you have to say for yourself?” Connor smirked lovingly, biting at freshly shaved cheeks, his hand wrapping around Will and stroking softly, too softly for anything to come of it.
“f*cking nurses I swear-” Will huffed, trying to raise his hips to get more friction. But his husband’s weight on him made it impossible. He whined, frustrated, “-always in everyone else’s business.”
“Should I be worried about this marriage of yours?” A grin, then a momentarily tightening around Will’s dick.
“Nngh- f*ck you Con-” his head fell backwards, exposing the beautiful column of his neck, freckled and flushed, “-stop being a tease,” he managed.
“It’s just so easy to mess with you sweetheart,” he placed loving kisses on his husband’s neck and cheeks. Soft and light as his hand tightened and sped up on Will’s hard co*ck. The dichotomy making him breathless, gasping for air and only finding Connor’s mouth to anchor himself.
Sweet, too sweet. Will needed teeth and biting. But Connor kissed him into submission, easing the rhythm to a slow dance of lips on lips, just as his hand did the opposite.
“Come on sweetheart,” he coaxed him, kissing under his ear, letting his lips linger.
“Please.”
Connor hummed against the skin, thumb swiping over the head of Will’s co*ck. He commended himself on the beautiful moans he managed to draw out of his husband and then swallowed them in a kiss. He kept stroking between them and it took no more than a couple seconds for Will to spill on his fist and sweatpants. A strangled cry and it was over.
Will relaxed and Connor used his thigh to get himself off, grinding on it and kissing on his husband’s exposed chest. Will’s eyes trailing his every move and pinching his right nipple playfully, dragging a high pitched moan out of him.
“You look very nice like this,” Will said, his hand sliding from his lover’s chest to his hair, keeping his head upright and allowing a kiss to melt both of them, “with my come in your hand, grinding on my thigh like a f*cking teenager.”
Connor could only groan and nod, using his hands to steady himself.
“Gonna come like this?” Will prompted, hands forcing Connor to keep looking at him.
“Yeah, love your thighs you know that,” he muttered keeping eye contact and bearing down harder, dragging his aching co*ck, still in his pants, against taunt muscle.
“I know,” Will nodded, “it’s why we can’t go to the same gym,” he smiled, leaning in for a kiss which ended up with open mouths and bitten lips.
Connor didn’t reply to the jab, head swimming. Will found his ass, kneading it with both hands and making his husband moan and still, eyes closed and mouth open.
Coming in his pants was not something he had expected when driving back home, but as he fell into Will’s chest he couldn’t find any reason to be annoyed at the fact. Not when Will’s hand was combing his hair and he was whispering sweet things into his ear. Not when there was a plate of pasta waiting for him and his husband’s lips ready to welcome his kisses.
Next time Nat saw Will he had a hickey on his neck - badly concealed - but the ring she had heard so much about was nowhere to be seen. Yet Maggie had sounded so sure.
The mark on his neck was telling though, something she had not been able to face until she had the evidence in front of her. Natalie would not have been surprised by his confession to her, of some puppy love she couldn’t yet reciprocate. Now she wondered what gave her the idea? Maggie, maybe?
Had he ever been in love with her? The mark stared at her from under the collar of his scrubs. Concealed enough that patients and other people wouldn’t notice if he didn’t want them to. But he had the habit of changing shirts halfway through his shift in the on-call room.
She had been looking for the ring, but he was facing the other way. His naked back in display. She had never truly looked at him, it felt wrong, a lot like betrayal. But now her eyes immediately found the hickey on his shoulder, and she felt like maybe she shouldn’t feel bad for looking if she was investigating.
She didn’t wait for him to turn around before diverting her eyes, didn’t want to be caught looking. Maybe he would get the wrong idea. Maybe she had gotten the wrong idea this whole time.
She looked back to her phone, Jeff staring back at her from the background of her lockscreen. The baby kicked inside of her.
“All good Nat?” Will was looking at her, standing there with kind eyes and furrowed brows. Ah yes. This was why she had gotten the wrong impression.
“Yeah, just… thinking,” one hand going instinctively to her belly.
“He’s a kicker,” Will smiled, sitting next to her on the sofa.
There were a few minutes of silence, during which Will checked his phone and then let it slip into the pocket of his scrub.
“You sure you’re good? Can I get you anything?”
Nat hated him in that moment. Maybe it was the hormones, or the loss and grief. His open smile, so easy on his features.
“No, Will, thanks,” she smiled and knew he could see through her. Could probably see through a lot of people though, he was good like that.
“Something’s bothering you, but I won’t press, if you need me text me, yeah?” the door was opened and he was halfway out. Didn’t wait for her answer, didn’t look back.
Nat found him at the end of their shift, up on the rooftop. Chicago shrouded in darkness.
She had managed to save a little girl from losing her arm after a car accident. The mom, who had been driving, had also pulled through. Thanks to Doctor Rhodes’ quick reactions and quicker surgery. There was a weight lifted from her shoulders and she could be near Will without seeing red.
“Maggie thinks you’re married,” she said approaching him. Will was leaning on the railing, not looking but also not surprised by her presence, “care to explain why she would think such a thing?” she asked, standing next to him.
He looked at her, amused.
“Nurses,” there was a small shrug, and an even smaller sigh. It could’ve been lost among the wind blowing around them, but Nat caught it.
“Are you really hiding it from us?” From me?
Will looked down at her with a frown. His mood shifting but he didn’t say anything for a while.
“What if I was? Why shouldn’t I?” He asked finally, eyes narrowing at her. She could tell he was annoyed now.
“I don’t know,” she shrugged, “we are your friends.” It tried to be a statement, but it came out a lot like a question.
“You are,” he agreed, “and still I don’t think I owe you an explanation.”
The plausible deniability laced throughout the conversation bothered her. More than she wanted to admit.
“Okay then, keep your secrets Will,” she muttered, staying right there next to him. Meaning the exact opposite. Please tell me, trust me.
“It’s not a secret Nat,” he said, contradicting himself and his behaviour.
“It’s not?” she laughed, but it was mean, she could tell it was meant to hurt, she wanted it to, “could’ve fooled me.”
“Whatever, I’m not talking to you if you’re going to act like a child,” he hurt her back, “it’s none of your business, none of you.”
“You got married, didn’t tell anyone here and pretend that we act like nothing when we find out?” She asked, putting distance between them, anger bubbling up. She was not raising her voice but had become increasingly more agitated. Will looked more tired than angry.
He turned around, arms supporting him against the railing, turning to face the city lights.
“Didn’t get married,” he muttered and it sounded like a defeat.
“What?” she asked, retracing her steps back to his side.
“Was already married.”
She smiled tightly, conceading. “I hope she’s good for you Will.”
“You happy?” He asked, bitter, not paying any attention to her words. Although the pronoun hurt, more than he cared to admit.
Nat frowned.
“I-”
“Save it Nat,” he dismissed her, turning around and heading for the door, “have a good night.”
Maybe she had pushed too hard.
As the gossip took hold of the ED Connor stayed as far away from it as possible. Downey kept him busy, like they were running out of time, scheduling surgery after surgery. And this time Connor was glad for it. At least he had a good reason to avoid the ED and the incessant questions about Will’s marriage.
“Do you think it’s true?” he overheard one of the nurses talk with the surgical assistants, Cindy, his brain provided a name.
Apparently he wasn’t safe anywhere, not even in the OR.
“Maggie is never wrong about these things,” Cindy whispered, “but I really thought he was gone for Doctor Manning.”
“Yeah, you and everyone else,” the nurse - Evan - shrugged.
“Do you think it’s someone at Med?”
There was a pause, “Nah, keeping it under wraps all this time? I couldn’t.”
“Yeah no, me either,” Cindy nodded. Connor busied himself by washing his hands a second time, “lucky girl though.”
They both laughed.
“Am I interrupting?” he asked, coming up behind them. They went tomato red in a matter of seconds and there was a part of him that was really pleased with himself.
“Ah- no, sorry Doctor Rhodes, we’re ready,” Cindy said with a tight smile.
Connor nodded answering with one of his own smiles, leading the way towards the OR.
April hoped the coffee runs would help smooth out their arguing. But it apparently just gave them more reasons to discuss.
“Too sweet Rhodes,” Will groaned.
“This is how you thank me?” Connor raised an eyebrow, but didn’t seem particularly angry about the comment. April would be.
“Thanks I guess, next time don’t bother if you’re going to mess up the order,” Will’s face did something weird, April wasn’t sure what. But Connor smiled at him, it looked fake. It looked dangerous too. Like he was about to pounce. Instead they went their own ways.
“f*cking brat,” she heard Rhodes mutter into his cup. She could agree with the sentiment.
They worked well enough together. Provided both of them agreed on the method and course of action.
It took them no more than an hour to be back at each other’s throats.
“It’s reckless, you don’t know what you’re doing Rhodes!” Will was pretty much shouting. Fortunately their patient had been wheeled out for a CT. Otherwise Maggie would have surely something to say about behaviour in front of patients.
“I know exactly what I’m doing Will-” Connor spat, matching tone and volume, “-and I would appreciate you not questioning my methods, I have seen this procedure done before.”
“Ah yes, seen-” April could tell he was keeping himself in check, hands fisted on his sides, “-you are being reckless just to stroke your f*cking ego!”
“I am?” Rhodes laughed, “listen to yourself Will, you are suggesting something that will keep her alive for a week, max.”
“Yeah well, she’ll be alive at least!”
“I can give her back her life!”
“Your procedure could kill her Connor, are you serious?” April was about ready to step between them, but Downey showed up just in time to avoid any physical altercation to take place, April wasn’t about to put it past them. Not that it had happened before. But the looks they gave each other suggested that they were both more than ready to get their hands on each other.
Downey had a strange look on his face. He was smiling at them, or to himself. He put a hand on Connor’s shoulder and calmly stirred both of them towards a more private spot where they could discuss the course of action without scaring off their patients.
April sighed. Another disaster averted.
Connor was pushed - thrown - on the bed the second Will got home.
“f*cking asshole,” he muttered, but there was a grin slowly creeping on his face. He licked his lips with an invitation on the tip of his tongue.
“God I wanted to shut you up so badly, you and your f*cking mouth,” Will growled, crawling on the bed to his husband until he was on top of him. Connor was clearly very happy about their current position, eyes twinkling with mischief.
“Yeah? Why didn’t you?” He laid back against the soft pillows, hands behind his head in a show of nonchalance.
“Obscene behaviour at work,” Will started, taking off his shirt, then pants and underwear, “public nudity, public impropriety, indiscreet behaviour, indecent exposure… should I go on?” His co*ck was hard against his stomach, he didn’t make a move to touch himself, instead going for Connor’s clothes next. Connor laughed, which only spurred him on further.
It took them no more than five minutes for Will to be buried inside of his husband. f*cking into him with sharp thrusts.
“f*ck f*ck!” Connor cried, shedding all pretenses, holding with both hands onto Will’s powerful back. Blunt nails digging into soft flesh.
“Need to f*ck the fight out of you Rhodes, so you stop annoying me at work,” he snapped his hips again and again, skin slapping obscenely. They shared a rough kiss, Connor whining throughout, clearly pleased at where his actions had taken him. One leg over Will’s shoulder, their lips sealed together with teeth and tongues. The ring on Will’s chain touching his skin, burning cold against it.
“Harder, fu-f*ck me-” his words were cut short by a yelp when Will rolled one of his nipples between his teeth. f*cking harder, faster. Connor moaned, head falling back against the bedding. His neck was red with effort and tension, veins popping against bite marks. Silver chain catching the light around his neck. Still he asked for more, knowing Will would give it to him in these rare moments when he got him riled up and angry.
“Not gonna f*cking touch you,” Will bit at his Adam’s apple next, “gotta come before I do or you’re sh*t out of luck for tonight sweetheart,” the nickname was loving but the tone was anything but. Connor groaned, looking for more purchase on Will’s back, his hands slipping from the sweat.
Will drove in harder, aiming for that spot that made Connor’s vision blur every time. Connor knew he was doing his best to get him to come before he did, even in this play-fighting-f*cking things they had going on. He was so close, just needed a little bit more, needed something to take him over the edge and they both knew it.
One of Will’s hands went from where he was keeping him down by the hip and found its way up his torso to his throat. He couldn’t keep it there for long, ultimately needing it for support, but Connor only needed a small press of fingers around his neck, the slight lack of air.
“Please,” Connor never begged.
Will gave it to him, tightening just a little, just enough and he was coming. Messy white strips over his stomach. The moan repressed by the hand around his throat. It was gone before his org*sm could subside, keeping Will from tumbling over.
He kept pushing, kept f*cking. Chasing his own org*sm like his life depended on it. Connor whined, oversensitive. Will didn’t stop targeting his most sensitive spot, driving into it until there were tears in Connor’s eyes and Will came with that beautiful image in front of him. His husband absolutely f*cked out, sweat clinging to them both, muttering intelligible words from bitten lips.
Will crumpled by his side, chest heaving.
“Need to get you riled up more often,” Connor laughed next to him, one hand tangling on Will’s hair. He pushed himself on his side, moving closer to his husband and leaning in for a kiss.
It was soothing and sweet.
Will hummed into it, savouring the sweat on their lips.
“You know you can ask when you want to bottom, right?” They both knew, still he mentioned it because while he usually loved when Connor f*cked him, every time they switched it was spectacular. The tight heat around his dick, the cries he could only get from Connor when he was being filled.
“Doesn’t work like that, you know it,” he kissed him again and again, “I like when you make me take it,” he said. This Will also knew. There was no embarrassment in his tone.
It wasn’t always like that, but they both enjoyed occasionally taking out their frustrations in each other. In productive ways. Particularly ones that would result with org*sms for both of them.
Will got up and cleaned them both with a rag.
“Food?” he asked.
“Sure, I could go for pizza,” Connor nodded, already curling around Will as soon as the redhead set himself back on the bed.
Ethan could not see how the two of them would ever manage to work together.
At least not when they kept arguing pretty much every time their shifts aligned.
They had managed to keep it civil for some days. Enough that even Maggie had started to get her hopes up. They worked on several patients without a hitch and made coffee runs for each other - and no one else - but Ethan chose not to think about that too hard.
Except that of course it couldn't stay like that for long and he watched as the two doctors butted heads in what they probably considered whispers but the whole ED could hear.
It wasn't clear what they were debating over, and at this point no one really cared to listen too closely. It ended with a very loud and dramatic sigh from Will, who acquiesced on behalf of Connor's suggestion. Although not without making the other doctor work for it.
Rhodes was rolling his eyes as he watched Will sulk away towards the cafeteria. Ethan almost wanted to laugh. At some point it had become so common place to see them squabble that he was half-expecting a nurse to bring out the popcorn just to mess with them. He could see April doing something like that. Even Reese, if she would allow herself to relax a little every once in a while.
He was so enthralled looking over some puzzling results from his patient that he almost missed the comment by a fourth-year medical student right behind him.
“I dont know why they keep Doctor Halstead around, he's not even that good of a doctor and is always in the way of actual professionals, if i was Goodwin I'd already found a replacement by now.” The words were delivered with nonchalance and Ethan wasn't really sure who the kid was talking to. But he immediately went rigid when he heard the comment, flaring in anger.
Will was his friend, his colleague and also a damn good doctor. He was about to turn around and fix the kid with a mean look, but the second he turned around he could see Connor looming behind the young student like an omen. It was clear that the kid hadn't noticed the doctor behind him, but Ethan did, and the look in Rhodes’ eyes gave him chills. There was steel behind his ice cold eyes in a way Ethan had never seen before. It scared him if he was being honest.
“Repeat what you just said and I will make sure no hospital in this country even considers your application when you finish your degree-” the tone was dangerous and calculated. The kid turned around immediately. Eyes wide. “-this hospital is lucky to have Will and you ungrateful-” he stopped himself and Ethan could only be glad he did. He saw Connor take a breath and unclench his fists. “He is one of the best doctors you'll have the pleasure to work with, not to mention a senior resident. You better watch your mouth Callahan, otherwise the next person Goodwin will be made aware of is you.”
The kid was all but trembling, the color had drained from him and he opened his mouth to answer something but nothing came out. Not that Rhodes would care, seeing as he had already turned and left the ED.
No one said anything else but Ethan knew what everyone was thinking. Because yes. Everyone had heard and you'd be hard pressed to find someone who didn't agree with Connor's statement.
But as Ethan shared a look with Maggie he could tell that the shock came mostly from the fact that of all people it had been Connor Rhodes who had stood up for Will. And had he ever! There had been fire and steel in his voice, enough to make eyebrows raise. The two had been arguing not even five minutes ago, now Rhodes was defending Halstead like they were best friends?
Ethan wasn't sure what to make of this. It had still been a huge disrespect and every other hospital worker present would had jumped at Will's defence. Rhodes included apparently.
Connor was friendly with Natalie. She certainly wasn’t her favorite person at Med, but he could understand why Will held her to such high regard. She was passionate and a really good doctor who cared about her patients. She was great with children, always there to soothe a crying baby or cheer up a hurt child.
Sometimes he questioned her methods. Taking a lot less liberties than he took with his husband when pointing them out. Nat was certainly not perfect and made mistakes like everyone else.
All their conversations were in one way or another chaperoned by someone else, usually Will. So it was normal that he felt a little awkward when it was only the two of them sitting side by side at Molly’s.
Drinking at 4pm wasn’t in his agenda, but his shift was over and it had been a rough one. He decided to wait for Will to finish his, popping into Molly’s to say hi and waste some time.
He had not expected to see Natalie there.
Ever since she had given birth the hospital felt a little more empty without her, and he was glad he could catch her and see how she and Owen were doing. Will had been over a couple times already, and always sent him pictures of the baby, but Connor actually cared about his co-worker. Even if everyone at Med thought Will had a thing for her. He still wasn’t sure she didn’t have a thing for his husband anyway. Not that he could blame her.
“Nat, good to see you here!” he said, sliding into the barstool next to her.
“Hey Connor,” she raised her glass and smiled at him. She seemed relaxed, maybe a little tipsy even.
Owen was doing great apparently.
“Will has been such a sweetheart through all of this, especially since my parents didn’t stay long after the birth,” she sighed but looked happy.
“All of Med is here for you, you know that,” Connor smiled, because it was true. He had seen how Maggie had rallied behind her during the hardest moments of her pregnancy. It was sweet to see how they took care of their own.
“I know, and I’m so grateful,” she sighed, “you know April comes around once a week to cook for me, so I have food for a couple days?”
“That’s amazing Nat, I’m glad you’re doing good, truly.”
They stayed in silence for a while, Connor got his drink and looked at his watch, another half-hour and Will should be out.
“I heard what happened today,” Nat broke the silence. Obviously she would have all of the gossips even during maternity leave. He thought about laughing but he found he couldn’t. There was a part of him that was still reeling from the confrontation with the young med student.
“Of course you would,” he said instead, knowing exactly what she was talking about, because he knew there was nothing else making its way around the hallways of Med. Only his outburst against a foolish med-student who thought insulting an attending doctor in a room fool of doctors was a good idea. In front of his husband no less.
“You know, I don’t get you two,” she said, lips on her glass but eyes on Connor, “you fight all the time, but then you threaten to end a kid’s career when he does the same.”
“You weren’t there Nat, I would never say that to Will, or to any other doctor honestly,” he felt himself grow heated at the memory. He could’ve said a lot worse, he should’ve. How dare a completely inexperienced student refer to a doctor - his husband - with those words. Will was the most caring and skilled doctor he knew and he might be biased, but the patients spoke for themselves, and the vast majority had only stellar reviews.
“I wasn’t but I have eyes and ears,” Nat laughed, but stopped when she saw how affected Connor had gotten “-it’s just… I guess you’re the last person I’d expect to stand up for him like that,” she shrugged, downing the last of her drink.
“Anyone would’ve done the same,” he said into his own glass, taking a sip of harsh alcohol. Knowing full well that it was a lie.
“Connor, Nat!” Will’s voice was came from the open door. He had changed and Connor hoped he was being discreet as he gave him a once-over.
Will immediately noticed, but said nothing, choosing to sit by his side on the next stool.
“Will, hey,” Nat’s smile got brighter the second she saw him. Connor could only acknowledge that his had probably done the same.
“Halstead,” he said as greeting, bumping their legs together surreptitiously. A small smile that communicated everything else.
“Rhodes,” was the answer.
Nat sent him a look and while they weren’t really friends he could tell exactly what she meant: see, this is what I’m talking about, now you’re acting like you can barely stand each other. In reality she just wasn’t that good at reading them, otherwise she would’ve caught Connor’s appreciative stare, Will’s blush at the tip of his ears and the hand on Connor’s back when Will slid next to him. The little things.
“Ethan told me about your tirade against that poor student,” Will said as soon as he got his hands around a cold beer.
Poor student?
If they had been at home Connor would’ve told Will exactly what he thought about that poor student. But they were out in public and no one needed to hear him doubling down on his stance. Not that he wouldn’t do it if the situation called for it.
Instead he shrugged, “did what we were all thinking in the ED.” He knew full well Will could see right through him. The amused smile on his husband was enough indication.
Nat had ordered another drink, and was sipping at it as she listened to her two co-workers.
“You can just say that you like me Rhodes,” Will drawled, winking at him.
Connor rolled his eyes, “you are impossible.” And I love you for it.
“I don’t know how Maggie does it, putting up with you two, you are like toddlers sometimes I swear,” Nat laughed with mirth, already a couple drinks in. Neither of them had the courage to look offended, she was probably right.
A nurse’s job was to know when patients were lying to you. Accidentally this talent extended to every other person in a nurse’s life. Including doctors and co-workers.
Maggie called bullsh*t on everything.
Since Will’s secret - potential marriage? - had come out she felt like something wasn't quite right. And it was making her crazy how she couldn't pinpoint where the feeling of wrongness came from.
She had not managed to get Will alone yet. Which had been at the top of her list of tasks for a few weeks now.
That was until they coincided during a lunch break. Will was standing before her in line at the food truck stationed outside. It was a nice enough day that Maggie would consider eating outside.
Seeing Will sit down in one of the picnic tables settles the debate in her mind and after she had her avocado bowl she made her way over to him. She was greeted with his trademark thousand watt smile and couldn't help thinking that Will's wife, whoever she was, she was a really lucky lady.
“Mags, hi!” He said, all sunshine and warmth.
“Finally got you alone,” she said, sitting down and responding with a smile of her own.
“Oh?” His eyebrows furrowed in confusion “You been meaning to get some information out of me Mags?” he asked with a knowing smirk. Was she that easy to read?
Maggie laughed, poking at her food.
“Very perceptive Will,” she decided to give it to him.
“Let's just say that you haven't been the only one these past few weeks,” he shrugged. And it sounded a lot like surrender in his voice. Maggie wondered how many different people had cornered him and questioned him about what could possibly be just a rumor. One she had started.
“Is it a correct assumption though?” she asked, because she couldn't help herself.
“What?”
“That you are married Will, come on don't play dumb, we both know you're not” Maggie said, rolling her eyes.
“I will say the same thing i told everyone else,” the stare he was giving her left no space for questioning. He was clearly not expecting an answer from her, “this is not anyone else's business but my own, you are free to assume whatever it is you want to, I don't want to be made participant of any of it though.”
“I don't understand you Will,” Maggie said, trying her best to not feel hurt by his words, “but if this is what you want then okay I guess,” she shrugged although it felt very stiff, “I hope you can be honest with us at some point.”
Will's features softened. There was a sigh as he looked down to his food.
“We will, but we want this to be on our own terms,” he looked back up and smiled.
Maggie could take his words for what they were. More information and so close to a confession as he dared to get.
“Are you jealous?” Will was tracing patterns on Connor’s naked back, going as low as he dared without raising suspicions.
Connor laid on his belly, head turned to look at his husband lying next to him. Will had that recently f*cked aura that suited him so nicely. Hair soft and messy, skin glowing with sweat. Connor couldn’t help the frown.
“In what way?” he asked. Who should he be jealous of?
“I don’t know,” Will trailed, fingers dancing on skin. He didn’t answer immediately.
“Should I?” Connor raised an eyebrow, but there was laughter in his eyes and Will knew he was being made fun of.
“Funny,” he said laying down on his side, “I mean, the hospital. No one knowing about us and everyone assuming I’m married to some woman.”
“Well at least they have stopped thinking they can have a piece of you,” Connor pushed himself up with his elbows so he could look at Will in the eyes, “but no, I’m not,” he did his best to shrug in that position.
Will had blushed a little, which was just too endearing and Connor couldn’t help himself, leaning in and kissing him. Will immediately moaned at the contact, closing his eyes.
“Haven’t had enough?” Connor laughed at him, inching closer.
“I don’t think I could ever have enough of you Con.” It always shocked him how honest Will was. He always managed to take big concepts and with just two words hand Connor the whole world. Like it was easy. Every time he said I love you he meant and I will love you forever and in every other lifetime, and Connor was so aware of it it hurt.
There were a few beats then it occurred to him, “are you jealous?”
Will smiled, knowingly.
“Should I be?”
“I mean, have you seen me?” Connor dragged himself even closer, now their mouth just a breath away.
“You have a point Mr. Halstead-Rhodes, maybe I should be,” Will conceded with a smirk.
“Sound so good when you say it,” Connor all but growled, shedding all pretenses of being stealthy - which were not working anyway - and pushing his husband until he was on his back and in the perfect position to be straddled. So he did.
Downey’s diagnosis came like a kick in the stomach.
Connor had just gotten over the whole hospital conspiring about his husband’s marriage when he saw his mentor being rolled into the ED. And then the truth coming out.
“It makes sense now,” Connor said into the hug. He wasn’t crying but it was a near thing, he could feel the stab of helplessness still embedded between his ribs. It hurt more than he would admit to anyone. Fortunately he was in Will’s arms and to him he could tell anything, in his arms he could be as vulnerable as he needed. He knew Will would hold him whenever he felt like he was ripping at the seams.
“It’s going to be fine Con, he’s not dead.” Will’s arms around him were the only thing holding back the flood of tears. He knew they couldn’t stay like that forever, not in the hospital. But Will had seen Connor roaming the hallways like a hunted version of himself and immediately knew something wasn’t right. He had not heard about Downey, but his husband told him everything there was to know.
Connor pressed closer, hugged tighter. Will followed suit, understanding what his husband needed.
He understood why Downey was so important to him, a lot like a father figure. Very unlike the one he had grown up with. One that supported and encouraged him every step of the way. Downey wasn’t just the very best cardiothoracic surgeon around. He was also an exceptional human and mentor.
Connor sighed into the embrace, trying to regain a semblance of control over himself and his emotions. There were patients waiting for him. And he couldn’t go see Downey in this state. He let himself sink into the hug for two more seconds and then carefully extricated himself from Will’s arms.
“Okay?” his amazing husband asked.
“Better, thank you,” he sighed. He doubted he would be okay for a while.
Will kept his arms draped over his shoulders. Searching for something in his eyes.
“It’s okay, I’m fine,” Connor nodded, trying to get some distance between them. Otherwise he would inevitably fall back into his husband’s chest. And they were still in the hospital, hardly the place for such demonstrations of affection.
“What can I do to make this better?” Will asked, letting his arms fall to his sides.
Connor wanted to cry all over again.
“Just this, it’s perfect,” he smiled, grateful.
No one batted an eye when they came back together to the ED, too busy with a new influx of patients.
“I’ll get you a tea,” Will said as they rounded the corner and went their separate ways.
“Thanks,” Connor was so lucky to have Will by his side.
“I’m sorry about Downey, Connor,” Goodwin had called him into her office.
“I am too, but he still has time, and if I know anything about him is that this isn’t going to stop him,” Connor allowed himself a smile. Although it hurt, seeing his mentor in good spirits in the past few days had helped his own outlook. This wasn’t about him and he was only being selfish by making it so.
“I called you to check in on you, I know this must be hard.” Even if she didn’t tower over anyone, Goodwin had always inspired respect in everyone, Connor included. Behind her desk she reigned upon the hospital and he could understand why no one messed with her.
“Thanks Sharon, I’m okay I-” he had support. He had Will.
“You have someone to help you through it, I know,” she smiled softly. Of course she would know.
Of course she would know.
“You knew this whole time,” Connor realized. He thought he would be more surprised, but found that he was half-expecting it.
“You thought I didn’t?” she looked puzzled for a second, then broke out in laughter, “here I thought you were supposed to be the smartest people in the country.”
Connor knew he had no right looking offended, but his face was probably doing something hilarious because Sharon was still laughing.
“Okay okay, well- you can stop laughing at our expenses now,” he said a little annoyed, but also relieved.
“Doctor Rhodes, it’s on your legal papers I had to sign for your employment,” her voice turned softer, but no less amused. Connor huffed out a laugh. Yeah, that had not crossed their minds. “It amuses me that you are saying nothing to your colleagues, I gathered it must amuse you too, to have the whole hospital guessing about Will’s marriage.”
It wasn’t amusem*nt per se, but it was certainly funny to see everyone scrambling for answers that have been under their noses the whole time. It was also no one else’s business. And Connor hated gossip, had grown up surrounded by it. The rumors and chatter that broke families and friendships.
“A little,” he answered, giving his best cheeky smile. The one he used to charm his older patients and would get the grandmas to pinch his cheeks in delight.
“Well, that will be all then, say hi to Doctor Halstead for me,” Goodwin stood up, putting an end to their little meeting.
“Thank you, Sharon,” he said at the doorway. He meant it.
Seeing Downey’s health steadily deteriorating was harder each day, and he was grateful that the people, and the hospital, kept an eye out for him too. It was not something he took for granted.
Jay Halstead was a puzzling man. It seemed it was something that ran in the family.
Maggie had known the Halstead siblings for a couple of years now and while they were similar in a lot of aspects, they were also vastly different people.
Fortunately.
She couldn’t imagine herself working with Jay.
He was around with a cuffed suspect that after a lengthy chase they managed to catch only because the perp had a heart attack in the middle of it. She didn’t know whether to call it luck or not, but fact remained that Mr. Lynton had been occupying trauma one for the past half-hour.
Doctor Rhodes was with the detainee inside the room while Jay and Erin where waiting around and chatting with whoever came around and was willing to give them the time of day. Fortunately for them Maggie had been waiting to get Jay alone for a while now. Lindsey could listen, she didn’t care.
“Halstead,” she called. He turned with a questioning look, “yes you,” Maggie rolled her eyes good naturedly.
“What’s up Mags, keeping the whole ED under control as usual?” he approached, walking with easy steps. Erin remained behind, standing by the door to the room. Just in case.
“No one else could,” she shrugged, but knew deep down there was some truth to her words. She was good at her job.
“What’s up?” the detective leaned casually against the column.
“Your brother.”
“What about Will?” he asked, eyes narrowing.
“He’s married, right?”
Jay made some noncommittal sound at the back of his throat. One eyebrow raised.
“Well, he doesn’t want to tell who his wife is,” she said, trying to sound conspirational with the hopes of grabbing his attention.
“Wife?” he seemed perplexed for some reason, but his features immediately went back to neutral, “well, I guess that’s his business right?”
“Right…” Maggie didn’t sound convincing enough, because Jay frowned at her, probably meaning to say something except that he seemed to be distracted.
Maggie followed his line of sight and saw Doctor Rhodes exiting the suspect’s room and heading their way.
“I sent him for an EKG and ECG to try and figure out the reason for the heart attack,” he said as soon as he reached the nurse’s station, standing next to Jay.
“Ah, I guess we’re going to stick around for a while longer then,” he sighed, “is my brother around?” he asked. What surprised Maggie was that the question was clearly directed at Connor, Jay was looking at him.
Connor without even blinking shook his head. “You just missed him, went home an hour ago.”
“Of course,” he said. Clearly somewhat bummed, “well then, I guess we’ll have to have coffee without him.”
“Are you really going to leave Erin here by herself?” Connor raised his eyebrow, but it was clear he found the situation a little funny. Maggie had been checking her phone for updates, but they seemed to have some downtime, Nat and Ethan were handling the rest of the patients without any problems so far.
“I can keep her company, you guys go have your-” she realized how absurd the thought of the two men having coffee together sounded. She wasn’t even aware they had ever talked with each other for more than a minute in the past. But there was ease in their conversation, like they probably had seen each other, with a certain frequency too, “coffee or whatever,“ she waved them off, wanting to be left alone with her thoughts.
Jay and Connor left no long after, stopping to talk with Erin for a couple minutes and then heading towards where they could hopefully find some caffeine.
Maggie had not gotten any kind of information from the older Halstead. Not about Will’s marriage or his wife. The only thing that felt wrong was the interaction between the surgeon and the detective.
It was only further affirmed when the two came back chatting like they had known each other for years. She caught the tail end of their conversation before Rhodes headed back upstairs where the patient had been relocated.
“-sure, next Friday.”
“Yeah, be there before eight, and bring a goddamn beer for once.” Rhodes’ tone was exasperated, but not malignant.
“Sure fine,” Jay’s tone didn’t convince Maggie, and probably Connor either. But the doctor chose not to say anything. Maggie knew it could quickly become a full blown argument, if Rhodes’ history with the other Halstead was anything to go by.
Apparently the two of them were closer than she imagined. She found it really curious. But she also recalled seeing them chatting at Molly’s. Maybe it was just one of those unlikely friendships. Probably.
“So wait, explain to me because if I got this right then you're saying that no one at Med knows the two of you are married?” Jay's eyes were bugging out of his skull.
“Yeah,” Will was not looking at him, and neither was Connor. Too busy watching the game on the TV in front of them.
“And you don't think this will come back to bite you in the ass in any way?”
“Not really,” he answered again, tone flat.
“Okay so-”
“Jay, we’re trying to watch the game here,” Will interrupted, shoveling handfuls of popcorn into him mouth.
The detective looked dejected for a few seconds but then huffed out a breath and grabbed his beer - which he had pointedly not brought with himself - and laid back down against the sofa, diverting his eyes back to the game on the tv.
If his brother, and in-law, did not want to talk about their decision - that Jay did not share or understand - about keeping their marriage on the dl from the rest of their co-workers, then he could follow along. And he could also not talk about it with them if that’s what they wanted. Although curiosity was eating him. Had been eating at him since the peculiar exchange with Maggie a couple days before.
“Okay, but if you ever want to tell me why Maggie asked me about your wife, I’m all ears,” he tried a final time, bringing the bottle to his lips and taking a long drink, letting his comment settle over the booming voices of the commentators.
Surprisingly it was Connor who turned to look at him.
“It’s just for a while, and it is kind of funny too,” he shrugged.
“Also it’s our business,” Will pointed out with a glance that Jay knew very well. No bullsh*t kind of glance.
“Okay well, be sure to tell me if it changes,” he snickered. Sure, it could be fun.
It was very fun, Will thought, when they got to get away with little things. And it was especially fun to confuse people.
For the next hospital function, also funded by the elder Rhodes, Will wore the watch Connor had gotten him for their first anniversary. And also the nice suit which had also been a gift. As well as the nice perfume Connor loved to gift him every Christmas.
Yes, his husband loved spoiling him and it had taken many years, even after they were married, for him to accept these gifts. It still felt somewhat uncomfortable deep down. A part of him he wasn’t sure would ever heal. Maybe in another twenty years he could accept an expensive gift from Connor without feeling unworthy or like a charity case. For now he accepted them because he understood with time how Connor meant them, and why he gave them. He understood they were important for both of them in a way.
It also worked wonders when he was trying to get a rise out of his husband. Connor wasn’t possessive, but he liked seeing Will in something he had chosen for him, and to a certain degree he liked showing him off. Even to people who were unaware that it was happening.
Will knew this and used the leverage that had been conveniently handed to him to give back to his very considerate husband. It was a little game they both knew he liked to play, which was why Connor played along occasionally.
April understood that Will was a doctor, and as such he had a doctor’s paycheck at the end of the month. She also knew Will was originally from Southside Chicago, Canaryville, as he often liked to remind everyone. He grew up in a harsh part of town, and he had never outright admitted to it, but it was clear that money had been a struggle.
Those two statements were true at the same time. But neither explained the perfectly tailored suit he was wearing.
April wasn’t an expert, but she wasn’t completely clueless either. Others might look at his suit and see nothing special, but she saw. She saw the silk tie, and the expensive fabric the suit was made out of - she had leaned in and touched it just to be sure - and he was a bigger idiot if he thought no one had seen the Patek Philippe around his wrist. Surprisingly his wedding band was also back on his ring finger. The suit fit like a glove and he was glowing. The blue brought out his freckles and red hair as if the color had been hand picked for his exact skin tone. She started to wonder if that wasn’t the case.
Every head turned and all eyes were on him. Even though the function was a boring affair and most doctors would never choose to attend these events. But Goodwin could be really convincing when she put her mind to it. She knew very few people were still uncertain after seeing Doctor Halstead looking devastatingly handsome.
Some might not understand why their attention was on Will, as his clothes weren’t particularly showy. But the price tag on it meant that even unaware bystanders were brought into his orbit.
They had a lengthy conversation while Cornelius Rhodes spoke on the podium. Clearly Will was not there to listen to the elder Rhodes, but this was common knowledge. Instead he spent his time with April and Nat, chatting about some new restaurants in town and the gallery he had visited last month.
April only saw Will at work and at Molly’s. They were two very different sides of him, but the boyish charm always remained and she could understand why he had a flock of women making eyes at him since his very first day at Med.
Unsurprisingly, given the information they now had, he never even looked at them. When they did not know the whole story, about his marriage, it had been a little bit more puzzling to figure out why he kept turning down date after date. Everyone assumed he had his eyes on Natalie, but now it was clear that he had a wife waiting for him at home.
Still after their chat April thought that she didn’t know him much, not really. She knew he was a good doctor, and his patients loved him, he was good with elders and especially older women. Everyone knew about his brother and his love for a good beer.
But it had taken them months to find out about his marriage, and it was still unclear who his wife even was. He had started wearing his ring more often now that the secret was out in the open, it was clear he didn’t want to hide it.
She didn’t know a lot more. He was a White Sox fan and often went to their games. Did he have any other passions? He must have.
At some point Will slipped away from their conversation, leaving just her and Natalie, both holding a champagne flute and dressed in long flowy dresses.
“He’s looking particularly good tonight,” April mentioned, looking at him as he walked away.
Natalie laughed a little, raising both eyebrows mockingly.
“Think someone else beat you to it though,” she said, “he’s well and truly spoken for.”
“I know, he doesn’t even look at any other woman, he must really love her,” April sighed. It was true, Will was always a perfect gentleman, kind and caring, but never letting his eyes linger.
“Not enough for us to meet her apparently.”
April knew deep down there was a strange dynamic between Will and Natalie. Before she thought it was his crush on her. Now she could understand that maybe there was something else. Maybe Nat was more to blame than she had originally thought. There was something bitter in her tone that surprised her.
“Are you… jealous?” April asked in a whisper, trying to shield their conversation.
Nat’s face went instantly red with embarrassment, it was difficult to hide.
“Wha-? No!” She looked like a deer caught in the headlights.
“You are!”
“I’m not! It’s just-”
“You can say it, no one is judging you and I’m sure you’re not the only one that wants to take a bite out of Doctor Halstead,” April smirked, looking around.
There were a couple nurses huddled close and very obviously talking about the man in question. She could also see a radiologist, Cait, who was clearly very interested in what she was watching. There were also different doctors who were trying to be less obvious about it but they were easy to spot. And then-
Rhodes?
Yes, Connor Rhodes. He was talking with Ethan but the looks he was sometimes stealing towards Will were pretty obvious to anyone paying close enough attention.
She was about to open her mouth and comment about it to Natalie, but decided not to. She wasn’t sure what she was even looking at, or what the looks meant. If they meant anything at all.
Will was handsome and it was obvious that men and women would stare. But there was something about the intensity in Doctor Rhode’s gaze that she didn’t expect.
Natalie was talking but she was not listening and after a little while she excused herself and turned back towards the bar where she hoped to find some more champagne.
It wasn’t long before she was looking for Connor again.
Connor Rhodes didn’t only clean up nice. He always looked incredibly good. He knew how to dress and how to style his hair and trim his beard with skills that must come from his upbringing. It wasn’t big news that he was incredibly handsome and one of Chicago’s most sought-after bachelors. He was rumored to have gone out with a series of women, sometimes making it to the local newspaper.
He was now tracking Will across the room like a bird of prey. April wasn’t sure what to make with that information so she just kept watching. At some point the two were bound to collide.
It happened after another half hour, when the Important People had finished speaking and small bite size entrees were being distributed by servers around the place.
April saw Connor approach Doctor Halstead. Will had seen him and was wearing a smirk that clearly meant something she wasn’t privy to. She saw them talk a little and soon stopped paying attention because there was nothing weird about their interaction, not really. Sure, maybe they stood a little too close together, but the room was noisy; and maybe they were smiling slightly more than usual and being too friendly, but there was alcohol involved and inhibitions slightly lowered. Everything in the norm.
She could only see Will as she tried to have a conversation with Doris and Maggie. The redhead looked smug as he leaned into Doctor Rhode’s space. There was a tinge of red on his cheeks, probably also due to alcohol, that made his boyish appearance even more pronounced. He looked younger under the blue and purple lights of the event. She wondered who he was going home to. Who was the woman welcoming him slightly tipsy into her arms that night.
Suddenly and in a flash her world turned upside down. She saw Connor stand a little closer and Will getting a little redder. Saw the surgeon place a hand on Will’s back, steering them towards the exit. He collected both of their champagne flutes and placed them on the nearest table on their way out.
When she blinked they were gone and out of sight.
“Did you just see a ghost?” Maggie frowned.
April wasn’t sure what she had just seen. Maybe a ghost came close enough.
Maybe she had seen who Will was going home to. Or home with. If they were the same person in the first place.
Maybe she had just seen two friends going out and sharing a ride to their own places. She was far away, maybe she had imagined the tension between them. Maybe she was more drunk than she cared to admit.
Outside of the venue the sky was heavy with rain clouds. It was dark but they were evident and there was electricity in the air.
Will and Connor didn’t notice any of it, rushing under the cover of night to their car.
Will was pushed against the car door before any of them could get inside, Connor’s lips against his own in a heartbeat. There was a groan as the car hit his back, Will let himself be consumed by his husband’s hands that were frantically pulling his dress shirt out of his waistband. Just to find skin to touch and caress as they kissed.
“f*ck, I- oh f*ck!” Will suppressed a moan as best as he could, Connor cupping his hard length over his dress pants, “Con, love, we- we need to go, now!” Even though it was the last thing he wanted he pushed his husband with both hands on his chest.
He saw Connor bite his lower lip, eyeing him up and down. Will blushed hard, still against the car.
“The things I want to do to you sweetheart,” he all but growled going in for another kiss.
At that moment the sky also grumbled as heavy raindrops started falling on them.
“Con!” Will managed to say in between kisses. Connor was laughing, could feel the smile against his lips as he was pushed a little harder against the car. The water was quick to wet both their hairs as they refused to part.
“Okay okay, let’s go,” he said, kissing Will’s jaw a final time and running to the other side of the car. They both quickly got inside. Hopefully unnoticed by anyone.
The car got parked in the first empty space they could find and they ran all the way to their building, getting soaked in the process. There was more kissing against walls and unlikely surfaces as neither of them managed to hold back or keep their hands to themselves.
Will’s nice suit was completely drenched by the end of their little adventure under the rain, and Connor was dripping water all over their nice hardwood floors.
As soon as the front door was closed and locked behind them they dissolved in a fit of laughter and giggles, collapsing on the floor tired and elated.
“I think I need a shower,” Will groaned, sitting against the wall.
Connor was still giggling, it was adorable. When he finished he crawled to his husband, making space for himself in between Will’s parted legs and dissolving into a kiss. He kissed the wet skin of his neck, lapping at it with his tongue and tasting the remnants of rain and sweat. Will encouraged him with soft moans and a hand on his wet hair, still dripping.
Eventually wet clothes got too uncomfortable so they stood and veered to the bathroom where everything got shed and the shower was turned to hot.
Will came with Connor’s hand around his co*ck and his mouth on his ear whispering filthy words of encouragement. He then got on his knees to return the favor, swallowing Connor down easily and letting him hold his hair and guide his mouth as he saw fit.
The bed felt extra comfortable and warm that night.
The start of the 6AM shift was quiet in the doctor’s lounge. Everyone was usually only craving a second, or third, cup of coffee, and it felt too early for conversation. Especially because the two other people in the lounge with her were Doctor Rhodes and Doctor Halstead.
Sarah had gotten her own cubby in the lounge when she started working under Doctor Charles. She was incredibly proud of her decision and had already started reading everything she could get her hands on. Including different re-reads of the DSM-5.
She started realizing when she was diagnosing her friends and the people around her. Realized how working with Doctor Charles had given her a different outlook on humanity. She knew it was normal to immediately relate people’s behaviors to disorders - she had read about it - and her mentor had talked about it with her and warned her sufficiently.
She tried to stop herself from overly analyzing people, knew it was kind of weird and rude. And it was also usually not true at all. She was young and inexperienced, she saw things that weren’t there most of the time.
Sarah didn’t think what she saw between Doctors Halstead and Rhodes was nothing though.
She had stopped mentioning these things to Doctor Charles, knowing full well what he thought about it. She agreed, most of the time.
In this particular occasion she knew there was something real. She had started looking at people a lot more. And her colleagues were the people she saw most often.
She first heard from the nurses, now an expert on how to get the latest gossip from them. There was always talk about the two doctor’s latest discussions. But if you listened close enough you could also catch the small comments that were usually throwaways or said without a second thought. Someone once mentioned the coffee runs they did for each other, or how Rhodes often met the other Halstead out of work. That time Connor had fiercely stood up for Will. She saw them arrive together, just like they had done five minutes before. Recalled how Connor never weighed in when there was talk about Will’s mysterious wife. All of these things rang a bell in her brain. She was sure what all these things together usually meant, but abstained from believing it until she had sufficient proof.
They had arrived together, but they barely spoke as they downed their white coats and grabbed their stethoscopes.
It happened when Will pulled his white coat on. Sarah saw him frown and although she wasn’t directly looking at him she could tell the coat was big on him and slightly shorter than it should be.
She wasn’t looking at Will, but Connor was exactly in her field of vision and she saw when the surgeon realized their mistake. There was a pink tint to his cheeks as the white coat he was also trying to put on was small on his arms. He stopped trying after the first attempt and looked sheepishly to Will, taking the coat off.
Sarah wanted to laugh, or be surprised even. But she found she couldn’t. It wouldn’t be polite to laugh at their predicament, but she sure was amused.
“Have a good day,” she said before turning and walking out, doing her best to ignore the looks.
She had tried to stay away from the gossip and rumors on Will’s marriage. In the end it seemed that it had found her. She smiled to herself, satisfied.
Huh, Connor Rhodes. She could see it.
“Hey, Reese!” She stopped in her tracks. The hallway was alive with doctors and patients alike. She knew Connor wasn’t calling her for a consult, so she ducked inside of the first empty room she found and motioned for him to follow.
“Doctor Rhodes,” she said, polite as ever.
“Hey, Sarah, sorry I just wanted to- umm, talk about this morning?” He sounded unsure, but not particularly anxious. She wasn’t expecting him to be anyway.
“What about this morning?”
Connor smiled knowingly.
“Don’t act dumb, it doesn’t suit you Reese,” he said, co*cking an eyebrow.
She laughed. He was nice and she, as probably everyone else in the hospital, looked up to him. It should’ve been awkward that she was possibly the only one who knew their secret. For some reason it wasn’t.
“Okay then, I saw you and Doctor Halstead mix up your lab coats-” she admitted what they both already knew, “-it doesn’t have to mean anything though,” she shrugged. The lab coats they had taken out from their respective bags seconds before.
“But we both know it does,” Doctor Rhodes admitted. It was a big disclosure, and she was not going to take it lightly. She nodded.
“I won’t say anything, if that’s what you’re here for.”
“Thank you,” he said easily. It was not a big pretense, she wouldn’t have said anything even if neither doctors had acknowledged what had happened that morning. She was glad Connor had though.
Will also acknowledged it a while later, when she was doing rounds with Doctor Charles. Will caught her eye with a wave and mouthed a thank you from the other side of the ED. He didn’t need to do it. Yet he did.
She smiled back with a nod.
“All good between you two?” Doctor Charles asked. He was so perceptive sometimes. Not always though.
“Yep,” she smiled, continuing their walk.
After that they got sloppy.
Connor was very conscious of it. He knew Will had also realized that there had been a shift about how they interacted with each other. Sarah Reese had a lot to do with the shift, but it had also been building for a while already.
Hiding wasn’t easy. And while it was fun, they were husbands, not high-school boyfriends. They had been together for more than six years, married for almost five. Being around each other had been the norm and while sneaking around made things exciting they didn’t really need that to bring life to their marriage. It was already plenty alive and exciting.
So it was mostly fine if people realized there was more than healthy competition between the two.
It was freeing being able to drop their guard among their friends. And it made it that much funnier when people still didn’t get it, still asked about this mysterious wife they would never get to meet.
“What do we have?” Will came running and quickly followed in step with the gurney being rolled into the ED.
“45-year-old female, stray gunshot wound to the chest, ETA 5 minutes!” The paramedic shouted as they wheel the unconscious woman into Baghdad.
“Okay let’s move her on my count!” Will stated and immediately got his hands on the side of the gurney, ready to lift, “on my count, one, two, three!”
The woman looked younger than fourty-five.
“Get her on the monitor!” He called as soon as she was transferred on the bed.
“We have a GSW to the chest, vitals are unstable, BP 80 over 50, heart rate 130,” a nurse stated a few seconds later.
“She’s lost blood, hang some O-negative and let’s get the portable x-ray!” Will said. She was not bleeding out for now but with these kinds of wounds it was impossible to know the extent of them.
They were quick with the X-ray, the medical staff moving as one around the unconscious patient.
“Looks like the bullet lodged near the heart, might’ve nicked something, page Doctor Rhodes and let’s get a CT of her chest and abdomen.”
It lead unsurprisingly to another discussion.
“I need more information before I can operate! It’s that simple Will,” said Connor, hands on his hips.
“She’s already losing more blood than before, she needs surgery right now!”
“Will, you know I want to, but I can’t open her without having any idea of what I might find, I’d be doing more harm than good!”
“I’m not going to tell you what to do, but I don’t think you’re understanding the urgency Con, she’s going to bleed out.”
“I get it, but you’re being unreasonable!”
“Unreasonable!? there is a woman dying in the ED!”
“And if I operate right now she will just be dying in the OR!” Connor raised his arms, giving up, “let’s wait for the results and then I can operate.” His tone was final, leaving no room for discussion.
“Whatever, just make it quick,” Will shook his head, turning and walking back towards the ER.
In the end they saved her. The small pericardial effusion got fixed and she could go back to have an almost normal life.
She thanked them both profusely, unaware of the behind the scenes, and they smiled and said no problem, like it was nothing. In the end it was nothing, just another day, another patient.
“I’m sorry about pressuring you before,” Will stopped by Connor’s side at the nurses’ station, still signing forms and prescriptions.
“It’s fine, you were worried,” Connor smiled, bigger and warmer than he usually let himself.
“I was, and also… well-”
“What?” Connor’s eyes narrowed. Was there something else?
“It’s nothing, we ran out of sweetener and I couldn’t have my morning coffee and- what? Why are you laughing?” It was his turn to look confused.
“You picked a fight with me because you forgot to buy sweetener?” Connor asked still laughing. Maggie was sitting close by, clearly overhearing the whole thing and looking very amused by their exchange.
“I forgot?” Will asked incredulous, “I’m sorry, who was the last person that did the groceries?” He could laugh at it too, but not before setting things straight. If he had picked a fight it was not his fault.
“You never write what you want me to get!” Connor said.
“You just never find my post-it.”
“If you left them somewhere visible instead of your pockets then I would. Instead they always end up clogging the washing machine!” He huffed, annoyed. How did Will expect him to go through all his pants pockets every time he did the groceries.
They were interrupted by Maggie trying to talk but stammering with a very confused look.
“You two?!” she managed, getting a few looks and curious glances by other nurses around her. Her tone wasn’t exactly a whisper.
“Yes Mags, us two,” Will said sounding almost bored, “now tell Connor that he should’ve gotten the sweetener yesterday.”
“I don’t even know what to say-” her phone started beeping and that worked very well at taking them out of their superfluous discussion, “-you will tell me everything later!” She said as both doctors ran towards the doors, ready for another patient.
And just like that, Connor crumbled in his arms.
The pile-up, the kids, the stress, the look on the mother’s face when they made her choose. They had to make her choose. Everything boiled over, and he collapsed in Will’s arms.
The bed underneath them was soft and safe, but they still sought warmth and safety in each other. The wind howled outside, snow still falling endlessly.
It was a hug and also a cocoon, and it was home. It was where Will could cry against his husband’s chest, tired and helpless. No one prepared you to be a doctor. There was no manual that told you how many hard and impossible decisions you were going to have to make in your lifetime. How many people you were going to see dying in front of your eyes every single day. How very little you could do.
So Will cried and held Connor, and was held by him. And Connor didn’t cry, never cried but knew he should. He sighed and hugged tighter, let his breath even out, and felt Will copy it to calm himself down.
There were not many things they could say. No words were enough to describe everything that had happened in the past 24 hours. It was enough that they were wrapped in each other’s arms for now. It had to be enough.
Only a few days later the snow storm started to dissipate, the city covered in white. They had many more accidents since the first night. Cars slipping on ice, people half-frozen and hypothermic.
Nat was happy to have Jeff by her side as they helped each other during the harder parts of the day. When kids were brought in from inside a crashed vehicle and when babies had to be cut out of their mother’s wombs to give both a better chance. Things that were routine, should be normal. But Nat was almost happy they were not normal to her, she did not want them to be.
It was Tuesday and the day was looking up. Jeff had the day off and had gotten her breakfast in bed, had taken care of Owen when he had cried during the night and had promised to take her out for dinner when she cam back home that night.
So why did she feel a stab in her chest when she saw Will and Connor getting out of the same car, kissing each other with practiced ease and walk towards the ED under the finally sunny sky.
The stab was first. She could feel something bitter and venomous take hold of her when Connor had cupped Will’s cheek. Secondary was the shock. They walked hand in hand and kissed again right outside of the ED, likely a goodbye until the end of the day, when they got to go back to being…
Husbands.
Natalie froze.
That was it, right? They were husbands. Holy sh*t.
The third thing was happiness. She explored that emotion and found that it was true. It was also true. She didn’t want to look at why the envy had come first, she couldn’t let herself. But she was relieved to find that she was happy too.
Finally there was anger and hurt. To a lesser degree, but she knew it was there, lodging somewhere between her ribs. She could poke at it and see that it was old, it was hurt that had stayed with her for a while now.
“You know you could’ve told me, right?” Will jumped a little, unaware of her presence in the lounge.
“Nat!” he said, turning around quickly and pulling his shirt over his head.
“About Connor,” she clarified. She wasn’t looking for small talk, she needed to get to the point. And the point was that the fourth thing was hurt and maybe right now it was not fourth anymore because she could see the bruises on Will’s naked chest and hips and she could see the ring hanging on the chain around his neck.
“I know, but we chose not to,” he said. She could tell he was trying not to let his emotions show. She didn’t know what emotions he was hiding. Was he also angry? She thought maybe she had never stopped being angry since that time on the rooftop many months ago.
“You let-”
“No Nat, you’re not doing this to me,” he stopped her, “you’re not placing the blame on other people, on us.”
She stared, didn’t know what to say.
“I don’t know what’s been going on with you, but you need to figure it out and in the meantime I don’t think it’s wise that we see each other so much,” Will said.
Natalie nodded rigidly. Deep down she knew he was right. Maybe it was for the better. She needed to look at all those emotions and name them before she could speak with him again. It didn’t make it hurt any less though.
“I get that you’re feeling betrayed and hurt, but I never hurt you, and I have never betrayed you,” he said calmly. There was pity in his eyes and she hated it.
“I- I know,” she admitted, it was true, “if it’s any consolation I think you two make a really cute couple, I can see it now.”
Will smiled. It was a bright smile, sunny. Nat matched it with her own, it was real and true.
“Thanks Nat, it means a lot,” he placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed lightly. Then the pressure went away and he left the lounge with one last look, “call me when you want to talk.”
Natalie nodded and let herself fall on the sofa.
“I take it it didn’t go well?” Connor said from the other side of the patient.
The old man was out like a light, drunk and high on something they had not managed to identify yet.
“Could’ve been better, I’ll tell you later,” Will said, taking out his stethoscope and listening to the man’s heart. He saw Connor nod and then turn towards the nurse, ordering a series of blood tests. Life went on.
Once April was aware of the something happening between the two doctors she couldn’t unsee it anymore. It wasn’t that they were very obvious, because they weren’t. They were very good at keeping their distances and work professionally with each other. She could appreciate their commitment.
Since that one time at the hospital function the week before, when she had caught them getting out together in what seemed a sudden urgency to be alone and together, they seemed to be everywhere. And they always seemed to be unable to keep their hands to themselves.
The first time was outside of Molly’s where they were kissing and practically groping each other on the side of the building. Maybe they thought no one would see them, or maybe it had been just a stop before making it to the car. But April, and Doris next to her, had both been very aware of what was happening. Doris, who was still in the dark about the whole situation let out a little whelp seeing Will and Connor together, gripping at April’s arm with urgency.
If she hadn’t felt the surge of embarrassment April would’ve almost appreciated the sight. They made a beautiful couple. But she could only concentrate on Connor caging Will against the wall and that was enough for her to grab Doris by the arm and steer them both away from the awkward situation. She wasn’t sure if they had been noticed, the men seemed rather engrossed in the kiss. She didn’t wait around to find out either.
The next time was a week later. At that point rumors had slowly trickled down in the hospital, she knew that there were very few people who still didn’t know. And April could understand why. The two of them had been a lot more careless and seeing them sharing more intimate gestures had become more common.
Unlike popular opinion the hospital was full of empty rooms. Doctors knew it, nurses knew it too.
“April, prep a room in trauma, we’ll bring her up,” Doctor Choi asked as he kept checking the new patient for more injuries. April decided to reconsider ever going on a rollercoaster ever again after seeing her injuries.
She ran up and coordinated with the head nurse what room was available. Grabbed the sheets and necessary items and made her way to the room.
Except it wasn’t exactly empty as she had expected.
She opened the door without knocking and found Will Halstead sitting on the bed in the middle of the room, and Connor Rhodes standing up before him. There wasn’t much to see, it was clear they were talking. But Connor’s hands on Will’s thighs was a little more intimate than professional, and Will’s arms around Connor’s shoulder indicated that there hadn’t been a lot of conversation before she got there.
They both turned in surprise and April could only sigh. It was almost cute how red they got when they saw her.
“Gentlemen I’m so sorry but I’m going to need this room,” she said with a smirk.
“Ah, yes, sorry April,” Will murmured, jumping off from the bed.
“The room next door should be empty still,” she smiled as they both walked out. Two groans answered her and she let herself laugh.
“Hey Maggie! Seen Will around?” Jay Halstead was dressed to go out, potentially a date, Maggie realized.
“He should be in trauma three with a patient, you can wait for him, unless you have other places to be?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.
Jay laughed, “Oh so now that my brother’s relationship is no longer interesting you’re looking at me?” he asked, “I can see why they kept it to themselves all this time, you’re terrible Mags.”
Maggie laughed along and shrugged.
“What can I say? We don’t always get these kinds of mysteries around here.”
“Hey, Jay!” Doctor Choi greeted him as he walked by, stopping in front of both of them, “what brings you here?” Maggie saw him looking around for a potential criminal being treated.
“Need to give will some keys, I’m taking a couple days off and leaving him with the dog,” Jay said.
“I’m sure he’ll be thrilled,” Maggie deadpanned, looking down at her phone, always alert for any emergencies.
“Well, I’ve heard they’re thinking about adopting a cat, but you didn’t hear it from me,” Jay leaned in conspirationally. He jumped as he felt a hand clasping his shoulder.
“Jay,” Will groaned, clearly very familiar with his brother’s antics, “are you here to gossip?”
“Spoilsport,” Jay grumbled. He searched his pockets and then dropped a key in Will’s waiting hand. “He need to be taken ou-”
“I know, I know, you sent me the ten page pdf with the instructions, remember?”
Jay went tomato red, while Maggie and Ethan laughed at his expenses.
“What? He’s an old dog, needs extra care!”
“Of course he does,” Will nodded, voice dripping with sarcasm, “anyway, need to go, but you two have fun, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do and I’ll see you next Friday for the game!” Will’s pager went off and after a quick hug he started retreating. “Ethan, you should also come!” he said before fully leaving.
Ethan frowned, taken by surprise but not in a bad way.
He saw Jay also saying goodbye to Maggie and preparing to leave.
“He’s right you know, you should come around for game nights,” Jay told him, seeing his perplexity, “anyway, see you soon man!”
“Yeah, have fun..” Ethan said, still a little shaken.
He had been invited to Will, and Connor’s, place. They had been friends for a while, and he knew these were things that friends did together. He now knew why he had never seen Will’s place, and was excited that they trusted him enough to invite him over and into their private spaces.
He smiled to himself.
“I see someone’s happy to be included,” Maggie was also smiling, it was soft and comforting. She also realized what the invite meant.
“You’ll get all the details Mags, don’t worry!”
Natalie hesitated a few seconds and then knocked on the door. She heard footsteps and then the door was opening.
“Natalie?” Will looked a little confused, but immediately encouraged her inside with a smile, “come in, hi.”
“Hey, sorry for dropping by without notice, I just felt like we needed to talk and you gave me your address last year when I was pregnant and-”
“It’s okay Nat,” Will smiled, “let me take your coat, then we can talk.”
She nodded, doing as he told her.
“Come on, I have some wine and I think there’s some cheese,” he said, motioning for her to follow. It was comfortable, too normal. Like they had done it a hundred times.
She looked around as Will grabbed the wine and something to eat. There was something cooking in the oven, probably dinner, considering it was close to seven.
The apartment was welcoming, clearly inhabited by two people. Maybe because she knew who they were, she could see a little bit of both sprinkled here and there. The touches of warmth and the science fiction books she knew Will enjoyed. The art on the walls that felt very Connor, just like the modern chairs around the old wooden table. A mix of both of them in a space that was theirs.
“Here,” Will came up behind her, offering a glass of wine.
“Thanks,” she smiled.
They sat down on the sofa and the awkward silence persisted for a little, until Nat decided she had come all this way so it should be her to break it. She took another sip of the wine.
“Look Will, I’m sorry,” she started, “I… have my own issues I need to work on and it was unfair of me to take them out on you.”
Will stayed silent, letting her continue.
“I think for a while I was convinced you liked me, I know now that’s not the case, but- well, I think I also felt something at some point,” she had a pained expression, like it was difficult to say the words. But she knew that she had to say them in order for them to move on and have the opportunity at a normal friendship. “I think I wanted you to like me, more than I actually wanted to date you. There’s Jeff now, but before that, with the pregnancy and my husband’s loss I was very, um- very sad and lonely.”
Will smiled a little. This was a lot more than he had expected, and a lot sooner too.
“I’ve always wanted to be by your side and help you, as your friend,” he said.
“I know that now, but I think I let the gossip and rumors get to me back when we first met,” she shrugged. It had been a very difficult moment for her and feeling that someone wanted her felt good, even if it wasn’t really true. It was a nice fantasy that in the end had no real basis. People talked and it was easy to convince herself that Will was madly in love with her.
“We can agree that giving too much importance to rumors might not be the best course of action,” Will said with a tired smile. She could only agree.
They sipped at their wine for some time and let the conversation take its course. It felt good to talk about their day-to-day lives without having to hide or omit certain aspects.
At some point during their talk about hospital policies Natalie realized how insane their current situation was. Will was married, to Connor Rhodes, and she was in their home drinking wine. Will was comfortable and discussing the funny ways in which Connor would fall asleep on the sofa - the one they were sitting on by the way - and Natalie thought that this had been Will’s life for the past five years. Ever since the first day they had met, Will had been living in this same place, finding Connor asleep in the same positions every time. They had kissed every day and had slept side by side in the same bed. Had loved each other the whole time she had known them. And no one had known, not even a hint of suspicion. It was like she was getting to know a whole different person. Well, two.
Will was deep in his explanation of where they had found the perfect new rug for their bedroom when they heard keys at the door.
“I’m home babe!” They heard from the entrance.
“Con, Nat’s here,” Will answered, standing up and moving to greet his husband.
“Oh? Hi Nat,” Connor said, entering their field of vision. He had left his coat on the hanger and his bag too.
“Hey, sorry I was just- uh-”
“You’re staying for dinner right?” Will asked, standing close to Connor. Who took the opportunity to plant a kiss on his husband’s cheek.
“Ah, sure, if it’s not a problem?” She answered, unsure. She was intruding, she felt like this was more than she had signed up for.
“Nonsense,” Connor said, smiling warmly.
“There’s enough for everyone,” Will nodded, going to check on the food. Nat wasn’t sure what was in the oven, but it smelled delicious. Connor followed Will into the kitchen area and she could hear them talking softly, the hi and I missed you. The unmistakable sound of kisses. She went back to the sofa and picked up her wine glass, still half full.
She sat down and calmed herself down for a few seconds before looking up. Connor was there, watching her. She could tell he was studying her. She felt a little exposed, like he could tell exactly what she had been thinking.
“I’m glad you came here, Will has been worried about you,” he said as he got closer, lowering his voice so his husband wouldn’t hear.
“I had to, I care about Will, and you too,” she admitted.
“Yeah, but it’s different,” he acknowledged.
“Yes, it is, but if I came here to make amends it wasn’t only for Will’s sake, you deserve it too.”
“Thank you,” he smiled honestly. Appreciating her candor on the whole subject.
She knew Will would tell him everything anyway, there was no real reason to hide.
“Come on, I think Will’s waiting for us,” Connor said. He helped her up by the hand, like a true gentleman and lead her to the dining table where roasted potatoes and some sliced meat that looked incredibly good were in fact waiting for them.
“Wow, looks amazing, thanks Will,” she said, then looked at Connor, “you’ve been living with a private chef for years and only now you’re sharing him?”
The two men laughed.
“Oh well, I’m not opposed to sharing the food, but you’ll have to come over more often.”
It was so easy to make her feel welcomed.
“I’d love that.”
In the end it’s the little things that give them out.
Like the cat hair on both of their clothes, the discussions on what color they should paint the bathroom, the way their arguments always end with a coffee and the bedroom eyes at Molly’s.
Maggie sees that their discussions never go anywhere because they already know what the other is going to say. Ethan gets used to their hands on each other when they watch a game together. April keeps finding them in compromising positions and it’s become an inside joke at this point. Doris and the rest of the nurses never stop ogling either of them. Sarah stops dissecting their every move and enjoys talking with them about their queerness and eventually shares her own. Natalie lets herself fall for Jeff and Owen at some point will start calling Will and Connor his uncles, but that’s yet to come.
There is a lot yet to come and the family they’re building at Med will be there with them, of that they’re sure.
