jll montreal office Jokes (2024)

Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now, let's try it again. Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"

Police Officer: "How high are you?" Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"

I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday.
My boss said, “Clean out your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”

A woman gets into an accident while driving. She tries to explain to the officer that it wasn’t her fault. She says the other guy was drinking and on his phone! The officer looks at the lady and says, "Mam, he could do that in his own backyard.”

How was the lepre-con caught?
By an under-clover police officer!

“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
Erma Bombeck

“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.”
Phyllis Diller

“There’s something boring about people who have to go to an office for a living."
~ Karl Lagerfeld

“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
~ Erma Bombeck

“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb

“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work."
~ Al Capp

"His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours."
~ Arthur Baer

"The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office."
~ George Bernard Shaw

“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller

"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” — Robert Frost

A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.

Police Officer: "How high are you?"
Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"

Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor’s office is full of portraits by Picasso.

Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
They never let anyone finish a sentence!

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

A blonde walked into the dentist office and sat down in a chair.
The dentist said "Open Wide" "I can't" The blonde said. "This chair has arms"

A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous. My dogs don’t even own bikes.

I was at an office conference this past autumn. I made a new friend and when I asked for his contact details, he said, "Here is my November!"

Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.

Young Billy had to mail a loaf of bread at the toast office today.

A spider called a tech support office.
He needed help connecting to the web.

What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!

"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck

My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.

Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.

Is a goat that eats office supplies on a staple diet?

The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.
She told me to look below C level.

To resolve the internal issues at the office, crows involved their cawnflict mediators.

What did the marathoner do after he won the race?
He decided to go into politics and run for office.

“I just want to be friends. Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.” - Dwight Schrute, 'The Office'

What do you call a cop with a wooden leg?
Officer.

Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?"
Me: "I Excel at it."
Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"
Me: "Word."

If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
did he just bust a move?

I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.

What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? Post Office!

My eye doctor’s office is at the shopping mall.
She’s an Opthemallogist.

A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...

The police officer went to the crime scene and he saw that there had been a murder in the dense grasslands. Guess, we could call it a grass-assination.

What did the police officer say to the hand?
Stop! You are under a wrist!

Do I lose when the police officer says papers and I say scissors?

“Oh yes I will work out today. I will work out a way to avoid running for a stupid cause.”
Stanley from The Office

What do police officers do when they are on the volleyball court? They serve and protect.

I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.

Where do dinosaurs get their mail ? At the dead-letter office!

The ghoul didn't get his letter on time because it got lost at the ghost office.

The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.

This guy walks into the doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.

Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.

What do you call a police officer who plays the drums?
A beat cop.

What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.

“Yes officer I did see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you.”

The Montreal baseball team relocated to Tampa after being purchased by the
Exposito bros.

Which front-office type is the most promiscuous? The general ménageur.